June is here and the year is almost half over. It really is true that the older you get the faster time goes by. I’m enjoying summer. I promised myself I wouldn’t complain about any heat this year after the winter that wouldn’t die. So far I’ve stuck to my guns on that however, it is only June 10th and not officially summer, if you are someone who follows the official dates on that.

Summer is officially here for Luke and he seems to be soaking it right in. We hired a nanny this summer and she’s spoiling them just the appropriate amount. Parks, beaches, the zoo, and next up-a local baseball game. We really love her and she makes our bed everyday so that’s a bonus.

School has picked right up again for me though; what a dreamy seven whole days off. I kid, I kid. I guess it’s like busy is busy and there’s no rest for the wicked even when I’m not in school so you know what? WHY NOT JUST KEEP GOING? These are the thoughts in the head of a crazy person. To try to contain or stop the crazy, I introduced the idea to Rob who instead of deterring me, supported me 100%. That’s all I needed. I think I was on the computer and applying to the university within an hour. I asked my director to write a letter of recommendation and in my email to him I may have mentioned my crazy side and he replied that he would be honored to support my craziness in any way. This is why I’m not sure I can ever quit this job. (Which is why I turned down an interview this week but that’s a story for another time)

Now I wait to be accepted. The waiting is good. It gives me something to be all angsty about.

In the mean time I’ll be smothered in homework until July 7th, when this 7 week course ends, competing with myself on fitbit, continuing to overachieve at work, and potty training Gavin so I don’t have to pay a fortune in daycare come Fall. Which, by the way, have you seen a 3 year old in nothing but his boxer briefs? I die. But it’s only cute until he poops them and then I die from something else.

See you in July.


Egg Salad

Easter is a very catholic holiday for me. I don’t mean offense to other religions but I grew up catholic and that’s all I know. We were required to give up candy for lent, we observed Psalm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, and we went to church on Good Friday in addition to mass on Sunday. Because we were required (which as we got older felt more like a tradition and not a requirement) to give up candy for lent it seemed only natural to be excited for our over flowing baskets of candy on Easter morning. Since my kids just had a donut yesterday at the grocery store, it seems a little redundant for me and maybe for them. No, they don’t wake up to baskets of candy every morning but I hope you see my point. Even before I had kids I had decided my kids would not get candy on Easter but instead a few small gifts. I had never received anything other than candy in my Easter basket but my goal was less candy for the children. Well, they end up getting both. They both got a small chocolate bunny and a few Reese’s. Luke got baseball pants (for tee ball) and Gavin got underwear because dear lord child please go on the potty (he will go on the potty pretty much every time you request him too but not on his own). They both got fishing poles and bobbers as well (we are going to a lake for memorial weekend and they will all be fishing). So everything was a need and not just fluff but still. I don’t feel like they get it. 

My kids were both baptized in the catholic church but we don’t practice it like we should. They both understand Jesus and have attended Wednesday Church classes (Luke went before he went to school and Gavin goes now). We do talk about Jesus and tell stories at home but I feel like Easter is harder to understand for the kids than Christmas. Yesterday Luke said to me, “Why do they call Good Friday good when they beat Jesus and hung him from a cross? Nothing sounds good about that. Those people were mean!” So very true, my son. And then he’s questioning the Easter bunny and I really just wanted to say,”There’s no Easter bunny.” Instead I reminded him of the reason for Easter and asked him to focus more on that than the Easter bunny. He seemed good with that. 

I’m not sure where I’m going with this other than Easter felt so different for me as a child than it does for me now with my kids. Or maybe it’s just that Easter doesn’t really hold any traditions for us at this point. When my mom was alive we had a huge Polish feast and she bought all of us a large chocolate bunny and she was full of the traditions. I guess since she died we haven’t found our place yet. We made turkey at her house today (Who has turkey on Easter? It was my brother’s request, I think we just didn’t know what to do) and my brother hid the eggs for the boys to find. They had fun. My dad bought each of us a large chocolate bunny and got Easter baskets for the boys. Today is also my brother’s birthday so I feel like it was extra hard for him. Not just a holiday without mom but also his birthday. 

Speaking of eggs. My brother was appalled I had yet to color eggs with my children. Seriously! Like worst mother ever appalled. I just hadn’t done it because they were young and food dye? Hello?? So I said to him, “Okedoke! We will be at your house Saturday night for an egg coloring extravaganza!” Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as or messy as I thought. It was actually fun and the boys thought it was cool. I hadn’t made hard boiled eggs in sometime but even if it hadn’t turned out, there is one thing it did for me. It reminded me about egg salad. And how an egg salad sandwich is the last sandwich my mom ever made me. It was the Spring of 2009 and she and I planned an afternoon of taking Luke to a nearby park. He had on blue and red plaid shorts and a white shirt. She packed a picnic lunch that I didn’t expect. I remember holding the sandwich unopened in my hand and asking her, “What kind did you make?”

“Egg salad.” She said.

I hadn’t had it since I was a kid and when she said that I was equally shocked and excited. 

I’m pretty she only made it around Easter time. It was probably the only thing she could do with all those colored hard boiled eggs. 

I miss egg salad. 

I miss a lot of things. 


A rambling about working vs. not working

I’ve been home since Friday. I took off Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week. I wanted Luke to enjoy his Spring break. I didn’t want him to go to grandma’s every day. It’s fine for a 2 year old (ahem, 3 year old as of today) but not so much fun when you’re five. Luke had a sleep over with one of his favorite people on Saturday night and then we had Gavin’s birthday party on Sunday with all of his cousins. Yesterday we spent the morning hiking, going to the park, and doing a car wash. The car wash was me cleaning out the van but setting up a carwash area for the boys to wash their cars. This morning was a little rainy so we started the day with a breakfast and a movie but then the sun decided to show her face so the boys headed out to the backyard while I cleaned up a bit. They played great together building dirt ramps for their monster trucks. After jumping monster trucks for a bit we went to the bike path around the lake and fed the ducks. The boys were able to burn some energy and I was able to burn some calories because a) I was walking but also b) I had to carry Gavin’s bike most of the way around the path. Just working on my guns! I’m not sure what we will do tomorrow.

I don’t miss being a stay at home mom. I feel like that sounds like the worst thing I’ve ever said. It’s hard to explain but I hate idle time. I feel like a lot of the time at home is idle because I can’t really get done what I need to get done in addition to spending time with them. Yes, we can go on an outing and then come home and I’m thinking, we just went on this outing so now they will play nicely while I fold laundry, or clean out this cupboard, or write this paper, or pay bills, or just a bout anything but that is not the case! They might play or be distracted for 10 minutes but it’s not too long before they are at my feet asking me to do this or that or watch momma, watch! When I’m not able to stop for them for every single thing they need, I feel like a failure but I also feel like, I have this other stuff to do and they won’t let me. But if I just sit there and do nothing, they are happy. I can’t just sit there and do nothing, I must always be moving! But I can’t play with them every minute either.

I enjoy being at work because I really like my job (don’t mistake that for liking some of the people at my job). I like going there and I like getting things accomplished there. I also like getting things accomplished at home. I must have accomplishments in my life to feel validated. I can’t help it. It’s much harder for me to feel accomplished at home unless I cook a great meal or get all the laundry put away or organize and purge the clutter out of my life. Because my children are not at work with me, obviously I can get a lot done there, including homework. Employee of the year, I know.

I enjoyed being home because I never felt like I wasn’t spending time with them. I did feel like they got enough of me which is not something I feel when I’m working. It was easier to stay up late after they went to bed to get done what I need to get done because I didn’t have to look presentable by 6:30 a.m. I could easily shower the night before and throw on jeans and a fleece in the morning. There were never stressful arrangements to be made when they were sick and I have never had to think about sending my sick babies to grandma because I couldn’t miss a meeting at work.

If I ever had to choose, my choice would be to work but I think the ideal schedule for a mom trying to fit everything in is a work schedule of 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. I could easily get them off to school without rushing and be home in time to put a decent meal on the table every night instead of a decent meal one or two nights. I do miss cooking. God, I miss cooking.

Working makes life go by a lot faster for me vs. when I stayed home. The weeks are a whirlwind with hockey, and now tball practice starting, school performances, class twice a week, and homework aaaahhhhh. And this is just the beginning because soon it will be 2 boys in hockey or tball. My neighbor has two boys and the way tball practice falls she will be at a practice 4 nights a week. I find this time the most fun though for our family, we are really in a good place handling it all but I also feel like it’s zooming by.

All I can hope for is that my boys feel happy and loved. And except for Luke complaining that Gavin ruins everything, they don’t seem too scarred yet.

A new and exciting rant about how the weather sucks

Luke has been asleep since 5:15, which is about when I walked in the door. He wasn’t feeling well at school but no one called us because he did not have a fever. He said he got to lay his head down on his desk because he was having a hard time focusing on his thinking. They did take his temp but said he was fine. I wish they would’ve called especially because Rob was home today. I’m wondering if he’s sleeping because he NEEDS the extra sleep or if he’s just sleeping NOW but will be up all night because well…that will make one long night if he wakes up at like 9:00 for THE NIGHT.

I’m in a serious lull these days. I want to do all these things but because it’s still freezing outside and it snowed today even, I can’t! I’m pouting and cold. I want to snuggle up in bed and not make dinner or think about laundry. I don’t want to fold laundry (no one WANTS to fold laundry), I’m tired of sweeping the floor, I don’t want to study, and I’m tired of picking up toys. I would want to do these things if it was different outside. I don’t know why, but I would! I want to open the window above the sink while I wash dishes and I want to be able to hang my laundry on the laundry line in the back yard. I don’t have a laundry line in the back yard but I’m saying that if I did, I couldn’t use it right now and that makes me sad! Maybe I want to study outside. Maybe I just need some sunshine for crying out loud! And my children. My poor have too much energy children just want to be outside. Bikes! Golf! Baseball! “Please, Momma!”

I know, I know. I ordered a pair of shorts online and my husband laughed at me. Laughed. Like he knows summer is never coming. 

Summer is not usually my favorite. But not this summer. Oh no, this summer I am soaking up every single minute of light and warm sunshine I can. Every single minute. I will be outside, at the beach, at the pool, on a hike, and whatever else I can think of to just be outside of these 4 walls. Yes, please! 

We finally hired our summer nanny who is going to start a month early and I could not be more excited! No more lunches to pack, no kids to get up and ready. I will only have to carry one bag into work. One bag! ONE! I can feel my load getting lighter by the minute. No extra backpacks, no extra shoe bag, no blankies and sippy cups. This morning I only had to get Luke up and ready for school and it felt like a vacation. So while I won’t technically be on “summer vacation”, I’m definitely going to be living easy like the song says. And the nanny will be here all day so my boys will be sleeping in, going to parks, playing at splash pads, running through sprinklers, and spending their summer days together in wonderful sibling bliss (ha! Good luck, Nanny!). But still, I wanted them together all summer and it worked out. And if that means I don’t have to get any kids off to anywhere in the morning and I don’t have any kids to pick up on my way home…well then…I’m willing to make that sacrifice. 


The One with the Free Porn

Both my boys love Metallica’s song, Sad But True. Neither my husband or myself are huge fans of Metallica but Rob does have their CD and I do enjoy a few of their songs for running (uh, when I run-like, it’s been awhile). It just so happened that Rob had this song on a few times when he picked the boys up and next thing I know Gavin is requesting it every single time he’s in the car. He is in the car with me twice a day for about 30 minutes and during that time we listen to the following on repeat and always in this order: Sad But True, Bellas Finals: Price Tag/Don’t You (Forget About Me)/Give Me Everything/Just The Way You Are/party in the U.S.A/Turn The Beat Around, and Another One Bites the Dust. That middle song is from Pitch Perfect so it’s a mashup, that’s why the long title. I love this time with him even though it’s only 7:30 a.m. and he needs it the loudest it can go. But I love that he knows the words and that he just randomly shouts out the correct word during Another One Bites the Dust but not at the correct time. I also love that his favorite part to the mashup is “Hands up!” And our hands go up, as they should. I love him.

I love my husband for a lot of reasons but the other day he said something that made my heart swoon. We were watching a show together and in the show this mom leaves her daughter for a week to go on a trip she had won from a radio show. As the mom is hugging her daughter goodbye Rob says, “I could never leave our kids for a week. They would grow so much and I don’t want to miss that.” I died a little because although we’ve never discussed it, I feel the exact same way. I certainly don’t mean to sound like if you DO go on vacation for a week away from your kids that you are a bad parent. I already get homesick easily so it’s not a surprise that I would feel this way. Rob has always talked about what we would do with our kids on vacations and is not a go lay on the beach type of vacationer but to hear his reason why…just made me happy. I learned later that once he left his cat for 4 days to go plan in a hockey tournament…when he left the cat was more of a kitten and when he returned the cat was enormous and all grown up. This has always stuck with him. I was surprised by all of this cat story because he’s allergic to cats. I also love him for being allergic to cats because I don’ like cats so when our kids want a cat, we can say, “Daddy is allergic to cats.” End. Of. Story.

Last night in my finance class my professor was lecturing on the financial timeline. This included the economic downturn for businesses in Europe after WW2. One of those businesses was Toblerone Chocolates. I KNOW THAT! I know that because it’s on the Friends episode, “The One with the Free Porn.” I didn’t know that the chocolate business had a struggling time but I did know it was European and see? I am smart. I remember stuff. And! TV is not too terribly awful. When I was a child my dad nicknamed me, The Walking TV Guide. I used to like to read the TV Guide and I also like to watch a lot of TV and now….well now I still love TV but it’s not a huge priority to me over say…reading a book or going outside. My kids also love TV and I fear Gavin may have inherited my amazing addiction to it but he also chooses outside over TV so for now, I’m not too worried. I would actually rather get rid of TV altogether and only watch shows through Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Instant Video but I’m in a house with 3 boys and sports are kind of important. I don’t think we could do it. But every time I scroll through the guide and there’s nothing on AGAIN and I’m paying a bill almost as much as my car payment, I want to scream! I’m paying the same price for something that can get me to Florida and back as I am for something that can only show me a picture of Florida. Hmmm.

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