Currently

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Listening to Gavin sneak down the stairs, the employees at work complain, and ah hell-even I’m complaining this week. Too much.

Eating plain m&ms with goldfish. I also forgot how yummy twix bars are. And I brought goat cheese & jam for lunch twice this week & I enjoyed that.

Drinking coffee in copious amounts. I didn’t know how satisfying a hot coffee can be at 2pm during the work day.

Wearing flowy cardigans and tank tops. I might wear it with skinny jeans or my dress pants but I love how universal and fall like this outfit feels. I can add a scarf or a long necklace and I feel like me.

Feeling excited, sad, tired, content, many things. Excited to finally graduate. Sad for this time of year. Fall is so bittersweet for me. Tired from busy days and early mornings. Content with where I am, what I’m experiencing-if only time could stand still for a moment.

The weather has been a little too much rain than I prefer but it hasn’t ruined any of our fall plans.

I want a vacation. A far away week long relaxing vacation. We are almost there.

I need to stop with my negativity. I have been so so good but this week started on the wrong foot & I’ve let it continue. I need to bounce back. I have so much to feel positive about!

I think about so many things I could’ve done (should have done) differently and it’s no good. I can’t change it.

Enjoying my time. Lately I have worked hard to focus on me time while still having husband time AND time with my kids. I’ve been enjoying my Fitbit and making time to hit my goals. I feel so much better when I do. I haven’t taken an elevator in 2 months. Steps, steps, steps! I’ve started watching Homeland while I’m also rewatching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. I’m even blogging more. ;)

And I’m enjoying fall. It is my favorite.

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Scooch

I never want to forget that in the early mornings of last year, Luke would stumble to our bedroom in the dark. He would reach his hand out to find me even though I already knew he was in the room and barely awake he would say, “Scoove, Momma, scoove.” So I did. I scooched over, lifted the blanket, and he would climb in and fall back asleep. He doesn’t say scoove anymore but thank you God that he once did.

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Lucas & Gavin

I think we are finally in the swing of things as it’s now October. Mornings seems to be smoother and both boys have finally settled in to what they want for lunch and snack. Luke can still never decide what he wants for breakfast. He told someone the other day that, “I had only had 3 choices of cereal and one choice of oatmeal this morning.” I think we currently have 8 different cereals, cinnamon bread toast, honey toast, oatmeal, and pop tarts. Do you know what I didn’t have? Waffles. And of course, that’s what he wanted. Gavin wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So he has one for breakfast and lunch. And let’s face it, sometimes dinner too.

Gavin was doing really well with his new school/daycare thing in which I full expected him to be okay with me leaving him. He’s never had an issue. But now he has started crying in the morning. He doesn’t want to go to school, he wants to stay home. He’s only really cried once when we actually got to school and when I left him. Still kills me though. I like to ask my kids a lot of questions. For a long time Gavin’s favorite color was orange, now it’s red. And if you ask what Gavin wants to be when he grows up, he says, “Older than my brother.” Oh man, this one kills me. I reassure him that when Luke is going to be 42 and he’s only going to be 39, he’ll be cool with it and he’ll get all that satisfaction back that he thought he lost when Luke got to do things first. My neighbor and I were just discussing who we think has it worse….the oldest or the youngest? What say you? I say the youngest and she couldn’t decide because she’s the middle. Gavin’s vocabulary is also cracking me up. He says things like, “I want to go STRAIGHT home.” And, “Thank you, mom. I do appreciate it.” Um, what? The other day I told him how his school used to be Luke’s school and he said, “That’s very interesting.” So he’s like 80 and smoking a pipe now? No, he’s not because when he’s really pissed and doesn’t want to do something he says, “NO WAY!” Which I love, as you can imagine.

I took Luke to his 6 year check up the other day. On the way he told me all about the Titanic, the Carpathia, and the Concordia. He’s really into documentaries about ships right now. Sometimes I think he knows more than I do. He really likes to talk but only when he’s comfortable. He’s very interested in how mommy and daddy met. Who asked who to be friends first? How did we know where each other lived? And how did we know we wanted to be friends? He also knows exactly how twins are made because Uncle Mike told him at the sleep over. Well, not how they are made but how they become twins. I learn so much when he and I take our walks together. I walk, he rides his bike, he talks, I listen. I know he wants a laptop and is he old enough? (No) And how old does he have to be for a pocket knife? (30) But Spencer is 10 and he has one. (Hold me) He told me how he no longer sits by Aleeyah because he was a distraction for her and so now she moved to a different table. I asked him why he didn’t have to move and he said, “I have friends at every table mom, duh.” I also learned that he lets the girls chase him on the playground because he thinks it’s fun to run from them. Uh huh. And finally, I learned that he’s “chosen” his sports he’s going to pursue and those are baseball, hockey, and golf.

When we got home Rob asked how the walk was. I said I learn a lot on these walks.

“Like what?”

“Like we are going to be poor.”

Dog Days

The dog days of summer are over. We are in full swing school mode, getting up early, packing lunches, rushing out the door, rushing home, making dinner, going to baseball games, getting haircuts, working on homework, making chili, picking out clothes for family pictures, picking out Halloween costumes, and getting ready for the annual football game next Friday for the little Wildcats. Which I love. Luke finally lost his front tooth yesterday. It had been hanging by a thread of gum for a week now. If that doesn’t scream growing up, I don’t know what does.

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Work is really good right now. I’m feeling confident in my decisions. My director is working with me to involve me anything he can to enhance my career and I appreciate him so much for this. I have never felt so appreciated and trusted. I just had my yearly evaluation and I’m so proud of everything I have accomplished in this last year. I really really love what I do. Yes, it has its issues but I feel like I picked the exact right thing for me. I feel good about the last 5 years leading up to this point. I’ll be graduating in December. Either way I’m walking over that stage but I’m waiting to hear back about one more class I might need because regardless of the fact that I’ve finished every single class on my education plan, I’m 2 credits short. They might let one more of my classes transfer or make me take one more. This is frustrating and throws things off a bit but I’m trying to not to care. What is ONE class compared to all of I’ve done? And I think it might be able to be like a yoga class or something. The only bummer is that even though I can graduate in December, my degree won’t “post” until after the last class is done which throws off my start date for my masters program and when I can take my PHR exam but again, I’m trying not to care.

My classes this semester are not intense at all which is so different than my summer classes. These are good classes but the one class is so laid back that I keep freaking out that I’m forgetting something and the other class is more of the normal variety. I think I’m still a bit traumatized by my summer classes so I find myself being a little too intense for these classes that are NOT intense and whew! Calm down, self.

I think I already said this but I’m going to say it again. June was so crazy but I feel like June is when we did the most fun stuff this summer and we did a lot of “summery” things. I don’t know what happened in August other than Luke’s birthday. It feels like we didn’t do a lot this summer but I also feel like it was still a fun summer. We had fun! We went to the pool every weekend and ate a lot of chips and salsa. The boys love chips and salsa.

Today is Sunday. I made pancakes and sausage for breakfast, the boys are still in pj’s, I worked on homework, I put all the laundry away (okay, ALMOST, whatever!), and now I’m watching them play basketball on the wii.

Yep, fall is in full swing. I want to keep these eyes open. I’m afraid if I blink, I’ll miss it. Somehow winter never feels that way.

Summertime

Instead of doing all the work I’m behind on right now, I’m going to write instead. This has been such a crazy summer. I originally thought that the 5 week course of death that I took during the month of June was the sole reason and that things would slow down after it was done-but I was wrong. The 5 week course of death was NOT hard but it was an insane work load. I ended up getting a B which makes me happy since I seriously was hoping for just a C. I’m shooting for the stars over here, people. So once that class ended it seemed things would slow down but I was wrong. Now it’s photo shoot after photo shoot and finding the time to edit pictures is not easy. I have about 4 family shoots and one wedding in August. Remember when I said I wanted to stop doing this? Ha! It’s too hard for me to say no and once I’m done with the finished product, I am happy I did them but the scheduling is an issue.

Besides the school thing there is the children thing who demand all attention at all times so we’ve been to the beach, to the pool, to the beach, camping, back to the pool. Oh, the camping trip. It was basically The Griswold Family Camping Trip. Rob and I camped a lot before we had children and we knew we wanted to camp again with them once they were older. So Gavin is 3 and Luke is just shy of 6 (WHAT?) and so we decided this was the summer to give it a shot. Friday night started with me accidently running over Rob’s fishing pole and snapping it in half. This was on my way to get wood for the campfire which turned out to be wet so later it took like 2 hours to get the fire going. While Rob tended to the fire I headed up to the playground with the boys where we heard there was going to be a Big Foot sighting. Luke was beside himself. Turns out that to actually see Big Foot you have to hike 45 minutes into the woods. AND YOU MUST STAY ON THE TRAIL TO AVOID THE POISON IVY. I’m sorry, what’s that? I have a 3 year old who turns into a blow fish when a mosquito just looks at him who is wearing only shorts and a t-shirt. And then you want him to STAY ON THE TRAIL? Hahahaha. And of course my non blow fish child is in long pants and a long shirt but whatever. Staying on the trail wasn’t an issue since he wanted to be carried the entire time. So here I am, surrounded by mosquitoes, carrying a child that weighs 38lbs, and keeping my eyes peeled for Big Foot. In the mean time Rob is keeps asking over the walkie talkie, “Where are you guys?” Oh, you didn’t know we’d be gone for 45 minutes? ME EITHER. We did see him eventually and it was cool to see Luke’s eyes get all big-until he said, “Hey, that’s a man in a gorilla costume.”

EVERYBODY BACK TO THE CAMP SITE!

We finally got settled in at the camp site with a beautiful roaring fire when Gavin decides he wants to go home. “I WANT TO GO HOOOOMMMMEE!” “I WANT MY KINDLE.”

Oh, Lord. Please don’t judge me.

We all go to sleep.

We wake up Saturday morning to see that Luke has wet the bed (air mattress) and we try not to lose our minds.

We needed more ice for the cooler but more importantly; coffee. Rob headed out to do that while I took the boys back to the playground. I’m at the playground cursing myself for not bringing a coffee maker but I know coffee will be here soon enough so I am calm, cool, and collected. I see Rob’s name appear on my cell phone and YES! Coffee is here!

Except no, it’s not. It’s still at the gas station. Locked inside the car. With the keys.

I AM GOING TO DIE. The boys and I decide to head back to the camp site to get them some breakfast. I notice the lady from the camp site across hitting the switch on her coffee maker and even though I can’t hear the coffee brewing, I know that it is and I am very sad. I am going to die without coffee, I’m sure of it.

Rob actually returns quicker than anticipated thanks to some amazing fire fighters who happened to be cruising by with a lock out kit in their car. THANK YOU JESUS FOR FIRE FIGHTERS.

That was pretty much it for the crappy part of the trip. Things got better after that. We all went to the fishing pier. Gavin took a nap. Luke and I went on a glorious hike in the woods where he asked 487 questions and I did my best to answer all of them. Saturday night was burgers, campfire, and s’mores. Bed time was rough again but eh, what do you do? We definely learned a few things and we will try again next year.

Amongst other things is my job search which I’ve decided to halt due to my inability to like any of them. It’s not me, it’s them. I feel bad for not wanting these jobs because for 2 of them I was called back for the second interview (and said no after the initial interview) and one of them I got the job offer and I turned it down. I feel very lucky that I’m able to be in this position but the issue has been that none of these jobs will help get any further than this one (or it was almost a step back in a way) so why not just stay here? I just need to accept the fact that my CEO is going to clip his nails in his office and do everything on speaker phone. I have a door, I can shut it.

So here we go, August starts on Friday and my first born will be 6 and summer will be over before we know it. My favorite time of year is just around the corner but it’s followed by my LEAST favorite time of year so I’m in no hurry. I’m confident we can squeeze in many more pool days, a night away for Rob and I, and maybe even a baseball game. I might even be able to squeeze in a book between summer and fall classes.

I have never loved summer as much as I do now that Luke is in school. I have always been ready for summer to end. Not this year.

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