Are you a runner who ever gets that sluggish feeling mid-run?
Do you ever feel like “Yes, I can do this!”, but then half way through want to stop and walk?
Or maybe you’re not sluggish, maybe you just can’t get past those 3 or 4 miles but just need a little push to make it 5 or 6 and you’d like to improve your speed? You think, “If only my name was Glen or I had a marching band by my side, I COULD DO IT!”
Well I have the solution for YOU!
Here’s what you do! The trick is, it only works in warm weather, but HEY! That’s when we our body to look the best so it’s still good!
Meet your best friend for a run (it could work alone, but you’d have no one to vent your frustration to) at a nearby park. A park with a trail next to river or some body of water and one that is also surrounded by FOREST.
And bring your child for good measure and to ensure your Mother of the Year Award gets revoked.
Discuss your run when you get there with said best friend. Decide to run 20 minutes in and 20 minutes back out to ensure a nice 40 minute run that should be about 4 miles. PERFECT!
Start running. Decide 10 minutes into run that you are not getting the full amount of chat time with best friend and switch it up! Decide to run 30 minutes in and walk 30 minutes out to get a nice 3 miles in AND all the chit chat time you need.
When 30 minute run is complete, stop, turn around and begin walking.
See a mosquito, smack it before it bites.
Chat. chat. chat.
Bite. Smack. Bite smack.
Realize then that you, your small child and best friend are under attack and you start running to get away.
Stop again. REPEAT ABOVE.
This is when you realize you have no choice but to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ANOTHER 30 MINUTES OUT.
Freaking out about how the doctor told you he prefer your 11 month old not be around mosquito’s will help increase speed, SIGNIFICANTLY.
Get pissed because you hate the situation and you do not get to chat with your best friend. All this adrenaline is great for picking up speed as well.
SWEAR. Say things like Fuck, shit, damn and curse out your husband even though it’s not really his fault.
Listen carefully to mosquito’s munching away at your calves. Put a blanket over your child’s face, his screaming will also help the speed situation.
See? And we ran 5.5-6 miles when we had planned to run only 3. I’m telling you, IT WORKS.
2 Comments
July 15, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Oh, that sounds horrible. I hope you found some Calamine lotion or something when you got home. =)
July 15, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Haha, at first I thought you were serious, and I was all “YES!!! This happens to me during my runs, what can I do???”
Why do mosquitos exist anyway – do they serve ANY purpose???