5

I’ve been pregnant 5 times. I’ve lost 3 babies. I’m so confused by this. I have felt strongly about this baby since Gavin was born. Everything I prayed for I was given for that baby to even try to be conceived. So then we tried. And He only let it happen to take it away. I don’t usually question His path, His decisions, but these last few days as I’m overcome with severe cramping, I find myself doing that. I know I’m not perfect but I love my kids. I love them more than I can stand it and I know I could’ve loved one more. I could love another year of sleepless nights and tripping over baby gates and another child pouncing into our bed in the morning. I could’ve. And it makes me sad that here’s a reason He didn’t think I could. Maybe that isn’t THE reason, but there is a reason. And then it makes me angry for all the mommy’s who feel like I do and how some of those mommy’s don’t even have what I have. So I’ll stop being selfish and I’ll be grateful. I’ll count my blessings every day. I’ll put all that extra love into what I have.

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3 Comments

  1. Jenna

     /  January 6, 2014

    We may never know. Not til we meet Him face to face and ask Him. I was SO angry that He only let me have Will and then Em’s mom died & I got her. We may not see now but there IS a reason & I can GUARANTEE YOU THAT IT WASNT BECAUSE HE FELT ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR ABILITY AS A MOTHER BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD MOM, STAC! He loves you, this I KNOW. As do I. I pray that you get comfort during this time. Wish we lived closer & not in blizzard frickin country b/c I would just come over right now, barge in & hold u & let you bawl your eyes out & snot all over my cute Gap shirt <3 thinking of u lots these days. Will continue to pray for u and your boys & The Husband Unit :)

    Reply
  2. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds very painful, both physically and emotionally. I’ll keep you in my prayers, warm hugs.

    Reply
  3. Your pictures tell 1,000 words; you are an amazing mom. Hugs.

    Reply

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