Last year.

This year.

Very thankful!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It turns out that I was capable.  And brave.  And praying the hardest I might have ever prayed in my entire life on the drive over there.  But I did it.  I did it alone and all the right words just flowed. And I could see the relief that I was there, talking, communicating, being supportive.  I could also see that she knew.  She knew she hasn’t been okay.

Since noon today, I have felt like this heavy fog of stress has lifted from my eyes and I can see clearly.  I’m positive it will still seem foggy over the next few months, but I’m so proud of me for taking that first step.  Because no matter what, I still love her.

• Went to the dentist today.  He fixed my bite.  He said it looked as if one of the fillings was just a tad high and that could be causing pressure on the bottom and top teeth.  I can already tell the difference.
• Got all the groceries for Thanksgiving dinner that I will be hosting here next week.  I’m super excited to have some quality time with the bird.
• Going to the Christmas parade tomorrow and I hear Santa AND his reindeer are attending as well.  THAT is so exciting.
• Finished those two pesky tests I had in the same day yesterday and the next tests I have are FINALS.  Wow.  I signed up for the study group that is meeting the 2 Fridays before the last final to help out with my accounting.  I think this will be a good thing.
• My cousin plays hockey for a college on the east side of the state, the team is playing a college here tonight and we are going to watch.
• I’m making dinner for my girls on Monday.
• No lab class next week.  That is the best news I heard all week.
• Luke says, “Sit, Star” and “Good giiiirrll”.  That is the best thing I’ve heard ever.    The funny thing is that there is a dog at his Grandma’s and he says good giiiiirrrll to HIM too.  Hehehe.

About two weeks ago I started whispering in Luke’s ear.  I was just curious to see how he would react.  It’s actually funny because when I do it, he stops and listens so intently.  A few days ago I did it and then I asked him if he had a secret for me.  He leaned into me closely and whispered a jumble of baby talk.  It was so stinking adorable.

I have a secret to share.  I know that  recently I wrote the complete opposite of what I’m about to confess now, but I cannot help myself.   Rob has brought it up several times and then recently I was at the store and passed by those teeny tiny 0-3 month old pajamas and  I melted into a big pile of wanting kissable baby feet mush.

I WANT ONE.

It is such bad timing over the next 3 years to even THINK about it.  I feel irresponsible even writing this because I’m on a different path at the moment when it comes to my education and what I’m working towards.

Baby number two has always been something we want.  I just hope timing with siblings and educations and jobs will all work out.

Rob told me the other day that if things were different, he would want me pregnant again by now.  I know that he didn’t mean it the way I took it, but if I hadn’t lost my job, maybe we would be.

Our house is quite baby proofed.  It’s baby proof city, baby.  Rob installed safety latches on all the cabinets and we still ended up putting a gate at the kitchen entrance because Luke figured out how to open the lazy susan and I can’t find a safety latch for that.

We also have a gate up to the staircase because while I think Luke is actually very good with steps, they are also quite steep.

We keep the door to the guest room closed only because there is a book shelf in there with books that I don’t want him to rip the pages out of.

And finally……..we keep the bathroom door shut because I have no desire for my son to splash around in the toilet water.  This has happened on accident before and I pretty much bathed him sanitizer.  Ew, ew, ew.

Recently I had the idea to get Luke a potty for Christmas.  I realize that this is not the most exciting gift but the child has plenty of toys and honestly I’ve seen him play with an empty Teddy Graham box for hours while he passes right by the  full drawer of toys AND toy box with zero interest.

I brought up the idea to Rob after I passed by the potty’s at Target and it occurred to me that on January 1st Luke will be 17 months old and I would like to start to attempt to potty train.  I would also like to add that I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to that.

Anyway, back to the bathroom.  We keep the door shut, but on occasion we will forget to shut it and it does not take long for Luke to notice and it’s a beeline to the bathroom and he’s all, “EEEEEEEEEE!!!  I’M IN THE BATHROOM!  WHAT CAN I GET INTO?”!!!!!!  If he understood presents, I’m sure it’d be like his birthday times 100 for him.  He even does this during bath time.

And the light bulb turned on.

If we are going to expect Luke to go potty in the bathroom then we need to make the bathroom a little less interesting.  We  need it to be like something that is just there, and not like a huge surprise waving in front of his face locked tight with a huge bow on it.

Rob installed the safety latches on the bathroom cabinet this past weekend.  We shut the toilet lid and left the door open.

Here is the problem:

I HAVE GIVEN BIRTH TO A MASTERMIND.

He stayed in that bathroom for an hour and half trying to get in those cabinets and HE DID.  He found a way to get in the drawer and the next thing I know there are q-tips everywhere and there is a blanket of baby powder on the floor.

The bathroom door has been shut since.

Now what?

Right at this very moment I’m sitting in the lobby at school.  I sit here every Tuesday from 12:15-2:00 and study, or FB, or blog.  I get kinda mad when the couches are full, especially when it’s full of people who are sprawled out SLEEPING, hello?  make some room!  This one person even brings a blanket.  Every. Week.  Anyway, so I’m stuck on the floor.  My butt hurts.  I’m sitting with my back to the back of a couch that some male is sleeping on.  He keeps cutting the cheese and it is utterly disgusting.

Yes, you just read that entire paragraph correctly.

Ugh.

I have two tests on Thursday so I have kept myself  busy with studying.  I’m glad I took some stolen moments this weekend to escape to our bedroom to do so because Rob got called out-of-town over night for tonight which leaves just the Momma to care for the Lucas.  Yeah, I can study once he retires for the evening but it still won’t be the same without Rob.  We are attached like that.

Someone or something hacked into my twitter account and sent spam DM’s to people.  This makes me sad.  This makes me want to delete it but I don’t want to delete it.  Annoying.

Remember when I went to the dentist?  I’m too lazy to link it, so can you try to just remember it?  Well, I did.  And I got some serious fillings.  I think 3 on one side of my mouth.  I had some pain for a few days but interestingly it was never in my teeth.  It never hurt to chew or anything, I would get pain after eating where he injected the numbing…..stuff?  Whatever it’s called (my butt hurts).   Anyway, yesterday the pain increased and it feels like…..if you’ve ever had braces you will know what I mean when I say it feels like my teeth are moving.  ALL OF THEM.

It hurts in my left cheekbone and it feels swollen on that side of my throat AND it sometimes hurts in my EAR.

I’m pretty sure I’m dying.  I always have this fear of having  a tumor and it just keeps growing and growing and I don’t know about and then one day I will fall over dead.  I know it sounds like I’m making light of this but it is a real fear of mine.

So here’s the thing….do I go to the dentist or to the doctor???

I also get all worked up because I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.  Making appointments also means making sitter accommodations and I have school, and studying, and dinners to make and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

So there it is.  (MY BUTT HURTS)

I knew that my cable promotion period was ending soon, I was just waiting patiently for the arrival of the bill that would show this information to me.

It arrived today.

38.99 more than the normal bill.

No thanks.

I call them.  They tell me that they are sorry but I am not eligible for another promotion since I just got out of one.

That’s crap.

I ask how I can lower my bill.

She gives me a few options.  I tell her I don’t use my phone and she tells me how that is the 38.99 dollar charge and yes we can take that right away.

Interesting.

But she has to transfer me over to the Removal Department or otherwise titled, The Department That Doesn’t Stop Trying to Persuade You to Keep the Phone Department.

I know lady, I know, but I’m not paying for a phone I haven’t used once in the whole year I’ve had it.   My bill will still be cheaper.

I KNOW, STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME.

How many times can I say, “No thank you”?

NO THANK YOU, PAT.

So by returning one box we don’t need and getting the phone we are removing 45.74 from our bill and that’s about 10 bucks cheaper than it has been this whole year.  Not great, but not bad and I still get to keep my DVR and Soapnet.

Priorities, people.

All is taken care of for a small fee of 1.99.  You can’t even REMOVE something that has EXPIRED without being charged.

And we wonder what is going on in the world today.

I found out some good news today, and it’s possible that this may have happened for a good reason.  And that’s the story of my life, because I truly believe that everything does happen for a reason.  I don’t want to get ahead of myself though so I’ll share it when I know for sure.

Today is our three-year anniversary.  Here is what I posted on face!book:

Happy Anniversary to my husband! Thanks for all the butterflies!!!

Here’s the comment that one of his friends left that has made my entire day:

“I still remember how much he talked about u after ur first date. Just about made me sick. Happy anniversary!”

*SMILE*

During the a.m. hours of eight and ten, when I don’t have school, I’m just waking up.  I’m rolling over groaning while wishing I could sleep a little longer.  I take the ten seconds it takes me to walk from my bed to Luke’s crib to convince myself that today I WILL nap when he does.  No laundry, no homework, no computer, no reading….just a long luxurious nap for me.  I have barely one eye open when I round the door of Luke’s room and I hear, “HI!”.  My day starts with a bouncing Luke who is obviously practicing for the Olympics.  It won’t be long and he’ll be doing a Punch Brani straight out of his crib and I’ll be forced to write down numbers to judge him every morning.  Is it 7:00 am?  Then a 3 it is!  Is it 9:00 am?  Then 10!  A 10 he is, baby!!!

By nine a.m. I’ve had some coffee, Luke’s had his blueberry waffle or banana and he has spread every toy he owns around the entire house.  I step on a matchbox car.  Is it nap time yet?  Because THAT hurts.

It’s 9:30, and somewhere in the last 30 minutes I’ve lost all  my sanity and started laundry, or made some phone calls that needed to be made, or started on a cleaning binge and now I’m boiling with adrenaline.  Crap.

At 10, the Luke decides he wants to nap and now Mommy is too wired.  Nap for him, more cleaning for me.

Every time.

By 7:00 p.m. every evening I tell myself I’m going to bed when Luke does.  I’m finishing up the dinner dishes and I can barely keep my eyes open.  I’ve packed all the lunches.  I’ve packed all the bags.  I’ve thrown the laundry down the stairs (HEY, it’s close).  I don’t know how I can stay awake another minute, but I do.  I play on the floor, I tickle the boy, I snuggle with a sleepy Lukey who is DEFINITELY sleepy but not ready to give in.

By 8:00 it’s time for him to go upstairs.   After I lay him down, I come back downstairs to finish up a few things and then that’s it, I’m going to bed!  But I don’t.  I end up awake until 11:00.  Suddenly it feels like I have a million things to do or I’ve finally thought of something to blog about.

And that’s what happens between the hours of 8 and 10.  Every time.

I went for a run yesterday.  I haven’t been running in a while, but the urge was there yesterday and the day was so beautiful, I couldn’t turn it down.  I didn’t have any other obligations to fulfill, so I decided to fulfill one to myself.

I may have mentioned before that I pray when I run.  Yesterday was no different and I was thanking Him profusely for everything I have.  Even though I want more.  Yes, I do.  But I need for nothing.  I’m working on that.

When I got home I checked the mail and found a letter from the State of Michigan saying I owe them 1900 dollars in back taxes from 2005.  I wasn’t sure how this could be.  A retired accountant does my taxes every year, but after reviewing the paper work, it seems to be true.  I felt sick.

I feel like financially I have tried to do everything right, but for some reason I keep finding myself needing to shell out more and more money when at the moment, it’s not coming in at top speed.  I feel like I’m trying to do the right thing by increasing my education with my skills in hopes that this is the best thing for our family.   For Luke.  For a possible child that doesn’t exist yet.

This letter defeated me.  Knocked me down a little.  But I’m good at standing back up.  I’m excellent at pushing forward.  I’ve almost perfected it.  The positive out look, the “meant to be” mindset.

Today on my way to school I was listening to my regular morning show that I enjoy.  To make a long story short,  the 27-year-old producer had done a radio show back in college with a friend that the show he’s on now has made fun of.  It was the J and B show and it was humorous when they play snippets from the show and laughed at their inexperience.   Well, J found out this weekend that his friend B, had just died from complications from the H1N1.  He had double pneumonia along with it, but other than that, was a healthy 27-year-old person.

I don’t know this person.  But I think of his mother.  I don’t know this person, but I think still think of it.  I think of it and it reminds me that 1900 dollars is nothing compared to the health of my family.  And I thank Him for that profusely as I climb the hill up to this building I now sit in waiting for class to start.

No amount of money is comparable at all.

The other day my dad called me inquiring about some information that wasn’t necessarily true, but I could tell he was bothered by it.  This information was really between he and my aunt, the aunt I’m the closest to.  Not long after the conversation with my dad, my aunt called and talked to me about their little tiff.  They were obviously in a fight.  She was telling me how when she was talking to my dad she could hear my brother in the back ground telling my dad to relax in more words or less.  Because my dad lives with my brother, hence the ironing board in the background of one these pictures….my dad never goes anywhere without his ironing board, I knew that my brother knew that there was a tiff happening.

So I text him in secret.

Me:  when we get old let’s not be like dad and aunt mary. let’s b like donnie and marie.

Brother:  what does that mean?  I am old!

Me:  no….i mean when we r old old like 65. ur 30’s r not old!

Brother:  No, that was a joke.  Who r donnie and marie?

Figures.

Me:  a brother & sister dancing/singing act from the 70’s.

Brother:  I’M NOT SINGING!  I might dance tho.

Me:  Fine.  I’ll sing, u dance.  I’ll dance some.

Brother:  k.

I’m so glad we worked that out.

Today is a special day!  Today is blog share day!  The post below has not been written by me, instead it’s written by anonymous.  I have written a post that is also posted anonymously on another blog that is participating.  The list of participating blogs can be found here.  Enjoy!

Despite being a very friendly person and a generally good friend, I’ve had bad “friend luck” for the past few years. I moved to my current city over four years ago, and I’ve never really found my niche. Actually, that’s not entirely true; I’ve found my niche several times, just in time for my friends to move away. I’ve historically been the “friend who moved away,” so I don’t feel like I have much room to complain. Despite this admission, I am complaining. I’m loudly bellowing my complaint, because finally – after multiple years of flakey “friends” who don’t ever put any kind of care into our alleged friendship – I have a terrific, wonderful, awesome gal pal. And she recently told me in secret that she’s moving in a few months.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully support her decision to move. This move is going to increase her quality of life tenfold, and I’m more than thrilled for her. She’ll only be a short (and cheap) plane ride away, which is a vast improvement over most of my long-distance friendships. But I’m still sad, and I’ll miss her.
I don’t understand why I find it so difficult to make true, deep, good friends as I get older. I worry sometimes that I’ll wind up a loner, relying solely upon my spouse for friendship and socialization. While I know that this fear is unrealistic – I’m too gregarious for that – saying goodbye to my friend leaves me wondering how long it will be before I find another real friend. What if it never happens?
I know that I’m inordinately lucky in friendship. I have many wonderful, beautiful, close friends, despite the fact that they don’t live nearby. I know I should appreciate my blessings, count my chickens, whatever cliche you want. Selfishly, perhaps childishly, though… I am just going to miss my friend.

What am I doing?  Where am I?  Who are you?

That is how I feel lately.  All things intense and crazy like.  I have a test on Thursday that I need to get some studying in for.  Moreover, I switched up my studying method for my last test in accounting and…..it did not go well.  I am  no where near proud of my last test score so I’m in a major all accounting all the time mode because I want to get an A in that class.  I’m just mad at myself and I should have stuck with my original method but I thought I would try this and it did not work.  What it does prove though is that I was doing something right and yes, I’m just always going to be a B student no matter what.  Is it just me or does it seem like everyone else in the world is getting 4.0’s?

Anyway, I keep cleaning my house and it keeps getting messy, what is up with that?  I need one of those Dorothy’s from this movie that can go up in the Luke tornado and tell me what’s coming up in the near future, like exactly how many toys are going to be strewn here and there and EVERYWHERE and why tornado’s don’t like to nap after the time change.

So it just seems like for the last week and a half things have been constantly  moving.  I guess what’s good is things are getting accomplished.  Lots of leaves are falling, lots of leaves are raked and then lots of leaves fall again.  I purchased another Christmas gift last Friday and even…..ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?  My husband bought his first Christmas gift last Friday!  Sweet Jesus, if I am good for nothing, I am good for one thing and that is rubbing off my obsessive non-procrastinating skills on other people.  Ahead of the game is my middle name.

Actually, it’s not.  I just thought since our income of funds has decreased since last Christmas that it would seem a little less frantic on the pocket book to try and buy one gift a week or to be conscience of setting money aside each week so that’s what I’ve done and surprisingly my husband does listen when I speak and he’s doing it too.

I’ve also been meaning to mention that myself and Talkative Tess?  We have become fast friends.  Fast friends I do say.  We are just chit chatting away in every lab and I actually find myself ENJOYING it.  (I am getting a A, ahem)  I’m also all signed up for winter classes too.  Look at me?  EVERYTHING ALWAYS COMPLETE.

I’m annoying myself.  Where is the excitement?  Where is the spontaneity?

It’s HERE!  Come back on Thursday for an exciting day of BLOG SHARE!  There will be an anonymous post posted here and mine will be anonymously posted somewhere else and it’s really something to check out.  It’s my first time participating and I’m glad I did!  It gives bloggers a chance to post something they might not necessarily post on their own blog.  A day of being free, if you will.  Enjoy!

I have no idea.  I thought this was a dinosaur costume and then Rob informed me it was more dragon like.  Whatever.  Either way, your ovaries will be bursting at the seams.  Trust me.  BUT!  They will recover when you see the last picture so don’t be too worried.

He has no time for posing.  I just love how every picture I try to take it’s like he is WRESTLING to get away from me!

He must sort and organize his candy.  What do you know?  He IS like his mother a little bit!

Even Dragons get thirsty.  It’s all that fire they breathe.

Dragons get crabby too!

Happy Halloween!!!!

Isn’t true how some great moments are just that?  Great moments.  A second in time that only you understand because you were there and even when you try to retell it to others, you know that they are  not going to appreciate it like you do.  This happened to me on Tuesday.  I will do my best  to retell it but I guarantee being there in the moment was a million times better.

Lately I’ve started letting Luke walk on his own to and from the car when we are coming and going some where.  He loves the independence, I tell you.  I only allow this in our drive way, don’t worry, he’s not running rampant through parking lots or anything.  This is especially helpful when I’m returning on days I have school because I have a lot to carry.  So on Tuesday it was nice out and actually not raining for a SECOND and I let him lead me up the walk way to our front door.  We had carved our pumpkins last Saturday night, so other than seeing them on Saturday night, he really hadn’t seen them since due to rain, which is so fun and I’m not bitter about at all.  As we approached the front door he sort of slowed down and looked at them…..and proceeded to climb up to the top step/porch and take a closer look.  He bent all the way over so his hands were touching the cement and puts his face right into his pumpkins face and says, “HI!”

This made me giggle and I started to say, it’s not real buddy.  But then I thought, no way.  I love it.  I love the  minds of kids.  And after that he climbed down and stood so that he and his pumpkin were face to face and said hi again and few other things.  Maybe like Happy Halloween or nice smile.

And if I missed my opportunity to get a picture of him with his pumpkin of 2009 because now it’s raining again and looks like it will never stop, I’ll be sad.  But I’ll have that memory tucked away (on my blog).

I went to the dentist last Thursday.  I’m not a fan of the dentist and once again I will ask nicely for no judgment.  In my defense though, I have become a lot more mature and less whiny about it.  One of those reasons is that if I’m going to expect my son to go to the dentist and not hate it, I’ve got to step it up.  It’s not going to help if when we are both headed to our appointments and I’m (THE MOM)  in tears.  That’s not gonna work when I’m all like, it’s okay Luke, it won’t hurt!

Anyway, at the end of July I went for a cleaning.  I was told I had a few cavities that needed filling and so I made the appointment.  Then Rob lost his job.  So I canceled it because we had no insurance.  Then Rob got his job back, with the insurance so I knew I still had to do this.  Well….to make a long story longer….no, really, I’ll try to shorten it up….the dentist I went to for the last filling that I linked to up above was an awesome dentist.  Completely understanding to my fear and was all about making me comfortable.  I had a great experience.  So for some odd reason when I decided to go for a cleaning in July I had some STUPID idea to go to a dentist closer to my home.  The above dentist is twenty miles away.  I wasn’t a total idiot, I did ask a friend who she went to and she said this dentist closer to my home was a good one.  And he wasn’t bad, he just wasn’t…..what’s the word?  Comforting.  I realize I’m 28 and I need to get over it and yeah (okay, I’m 32!  Jeez) I could probably just deal with it but when I think how I had a bad experience with the dentist when I was a child, it’s a goal of mine to make sure Luke does not have that same experience so I decided to go back to the previous dentist.

So on Thursday, I was a little nervous and the hygienist, who I’m pretty sure remembered me or was just smart enough to check my file is all, do you want the gas like last time and I’m all like, hell yeah yes please!  And so she obliges.  And soon after the gas was over my nose.  Dr. W gives me the numbing shots and then they both leave me and tell me they will return when I can’t feel  my lips.  So I’m just relaxing there breathing in the gas.  And then I start giggling.  I start wondering why they just can’t have gas in bars!  Less calories!  No hangover!  I’M DRUNK.  I’m drunk on the gas and  trust me, I’m pretty sure I would have been on the counter dancing if a) there had been music other than Celine Dion coming out those speakers in the ceiling and b) I didn’t have to remove the gas to do so.  I’m positive though that if Lionel Richie had come out of the speakers singing Dancing on the Ceiling, I would have found a way to make it work.  And I REALLY kept wishing my purse wasn’t in the corner and instead on my lap so I could fish out my cell phone and start drunk texting.  I think I even said “bummer” OUT LOUD.  And I may or may  not have told Anita the hygienist just how wonderful it was several times before finally they opened my mouth and got in there probably to SHUT ME UP.

Do you have any idea what this means?

I need to get out more.

I’m a runner.

“What do you like to do?”

“Cook, read, run…”

I really do love to run.  I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t had my moments where the run is just a bad one.  Maybe my hair tie broke and the battery died in my fauxpod and my shorts are climbing my inner thigh like they just saw a bear coming at them….or let’s say there’s a mosquito or two.  All of those things are a recipe for disaster in my runnerland that makes me just want to run….out in front of a moving car.

As of late, I’ve lost my mojo.  It makes me sad.  Sad like if someone asked me, I couldn’t say I was runner.   A lot of it is that I’m just not ready to run on the treadmill and the weather has been VERY COLD.  Too cold to take Luke so that means waiting for Rob to get home and by the time we have dinner, it’s too dark, and that’s not gonna happen.  And…….um, another reason?  I’ve lost weight, more weight then I ever intended to lose and how much easier is it to not run when you are already losing weight and are just so busy?

This makes me mad.  Mad because I’ve always argued health!  Health!!!  Eat healthy and exercise and everything else will fall into place!  Well, I’m still eating healthy but I’m not exercising….or I’m not exercising with running but I am walking a lot more down at school and there is  a lot of hills and I’m playing outside a lot with Luke and I’m constantly on the move cleaning something or carrying loads of laundry somewhere but that’s not really my idea of RUNNING.  But here’s the worst of it, here’s the real part that makes me cringe….if I were to step on the scale and instead of seeing the loss of another pound and saw the gain of one, I’d be making time to run like nobodies business.  Just like I made all that time last winter, spring and summer. I’d be so mad about the weather but I’d be on that treadmill.  Now?  Not so much.

I feel like this makes me a fraud.  I inspire no one.

I feel the itch though.  I felt it today and I felt in on Monday.  It was fantastic running weather and I was disappointed that I wasn’t out there, it just so happened my schedule did not oblige and I was mad about it.  Not mad enough to get on the treadmill but mad enough to know I’m not done with running yet, nor do I think I’ll ever be.  Because I do love it.  And I am going to run a half marathon.  You watch.  A full marathon?  Not so eager.

Today was a really good day.  I got my homework done that I had sort of put off all weekend by 10 am and then while Luke napped I cleaned the entire house, like all three floors, not just like one floor which is what usually happens and then Luke and I played outside for a bit.

Oh!  But I also did several good deeds today, and not just so I could say I did them or anything but deeds that I really like being able to do for people because it seems as if when I’m in those situations, which seems often, that I’ve never gotten to repay people by just doing it for other people even though none of these people are linked.  (whew!)

So this morning when I was upstairs making the bed and I heard a knock on the door, I stopped and contemplated ignoring it, because my hair was in a serious need of a brush and I still had my pajama pants on and when I said it was morning I meant 11:00 am.  I answered it though.  It was the neighbor girl in need of a jump for her battery.  I multitasked it like the mother of the year I am and Luke and I climbed in the truck and made the short drive over to help her out.  It worked out for her too and she kept apologizing and I’m all, no it’s okay, I’ve been there.  Well, not there, but HERE and that was almost worse.

So then!  Later!  Amelia texted me asking for moving boxes which I had told her I had.  I said, yes come over whenever.  She stopped over soon after we finished dinner and had bad news.   Her car needed a visit to the service center and could I drive her?  Of course I could!  Like I would ever say no.

That’s one good deed for October and now I’m ahead for November and December is just overflowing with good will towards men crap so I’m good for the year!

The day got even better when Rob made chocolate chip cookies like thirty minutes ago and I do enjoy a nice warm chocolate chip cookie, IN A CLEAN HOUSE even!  I shared a cookie with Luke and he was all, ah…ah…ah…ah…., that’s his begging noise.  I’m not kidding, he begs for food if you are eating, he is rarely not interested, which is much like his  father.  So he had his shared cookie with me and that was enough for him but he could still see the cookie’s cooling on the racks on the counter so he stood under the counter….ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!  I have to say, this is my least favorite noise….and then Rob scoops him up and says, “Do we need to put you in cookie rehab?”  And that just made me double over in laughter which is another great thing about today.

Oh!  The best part!  I took out Luke’s Halloween costume to hold it up to him, I don’t know, I had a thought like would it be too big and he was so into it.  He cried when I tried to put it away and I didn’t think it would harm anything so I let him play with it, which consisted of him throwing it down and laying on it.  I decided to put it on him and show it to him in the mirror and he loved it.  I’m pretty sure he thought it was a coat though because he ran towards the door and even stopped to beg for his shoes and….ah…ah…ah….ah..ah (okay, so it’s his noise for anything he wants and can’t get on his own) and so I said, eh who cares?  Let’s go out and play and so we did.

Just recently (last night), I had a realization that I miss people more when the distance between us increases.  I have no idea why this is.  I know it’s true based on a few situations and digging back into my memory files and just all and all thinking, yep it’s true.  I’m a weirdo.

I have a twin cousin.  I think I’ve talked about her before on here….ah, yes I have.  I don’t think I ever explained why we call each other twin cousins, or maybe I did.  But the reason is that our moms are twins.  We share the same love for When Harry Met Sally…and trust me, there’s a bunch of other silly reasons like that.  Anyway, she used to live on the east side of the state.  We would each travel here or there to hang out.  This wouldn’t happen a lot but often enough.  Last year she moved to Houston, TX.  I miss her more than ever.  In this situation, no, I don’t see her that often but because the option isn’t there, I miss her worse.

Another good friend, Amelia.  She lives not far from me now and is soon to be like 2 miles away so I can run to her house and ask her for water, or a salmon filet or whatever she’s making at the time because she loves to cook and I love to eat what she cooks.  But again, anyway, she DID live about 25 minutes away and I would see her often…not a ton, but often enough and always for anything special.  She moved to Seattle for a year.  I missed her very much.  I still saw her quite a bit, she came home often, but just knowing she wasn’t there for me to call and say hey, let’s go to a movie, made it weird and I missed that.

And then just this last Spring, my BFF who I may or may not email hourly, and who I see very often.  I mean, we may go a few weeks when things get busy but trust me, it’s like, I miss you!  I miss you too!  When can we hang out?  Very soon!  She had to go to Alabama for a week for work and just knowing she was not in Michigan….I missed her.  I don’t miss her that much when I know she’s here.

This weekend I had a surprise birthday party to attend in Indiana.  I had originally planned that Rob and I would both go and I may or may not get a sitter for Luke, but then decided that a sitter would give Rob and I some time out alone for a night (kids were welcome).  I asked my BFF who obliged immediately.  All my friends oblige immediately and I’m very lucky.  But then….Rob’s friend called him asking if he could attend a guys weekend at his cottage the same weekend of the surprise party.  Gosh, I felt like I should let him go.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily not let or let Rob do things, we decide together but it does seem as though when his friends do ask him to do something I’ve already booked the calendar weeks in advance for something else.  So…I told him to go.  Rob left Friday morning at 9:00 am.  Now, normally Rob would be at work all day, but just knowing he was gone for the night equaled a lonely me.  Actually less lonely and more bored.  Saturday afternoon I dropped Luke off with Jen.  I almost had to wrestle him for a kiss goodbye, which someone told me later is a good thing, but nonetheless, I would have preferred a little less running away from me at top speed!  Anyway, soon I was the road.  JUST ME!  Jamming to my tunes, texting lies to the birthday girl who had no clue I was on my way!  And while I was singing away to Tswift….I was just trying to ignore that feeling in my tummy.  Gosh, I missed Luke.  And I felt odd that I was away from him without Rob, and that he wasn’t even with Rob and that Rob was away from me and we were just SPREAD ALL OVER.

I’m curious if the amount I miss Luke is unhealthy.  Maybe I’m with him too much, but I just think that’s impossible.

I did have fun.  The birthday girl was quite surprised.  There was another 15 month old child there, it sort of made me wished I would have brought Luke….but then as I observed more I noticed how calm and just satisfied she was in one spot and how if Luke was there he would have been down from his high chair and high tailed it down the stairs at top speed and on the first floor of the restaurant going from table to table begging for a piece of someone’s fettuccine alfredo or pizza.  Most definitely.

God, I love that kid.

In an interesting turn of events, I have an A so far in biology.  I just find this humorous.   The class that I have put off FOREVER, the class I was so afraid to take.  A.  I’m dong well in Accounting too.  B.  But I’m telling you that I would have an A if wasn’t for her sneaky term questions on the test.  I just get this impression she is trying to trick us by the wording.

I’m not embarrassed to say that I’m not an A student.  I’m just not.  No matter what I do, how much I study, I get B’s.  C’s if I’m not interested.  So usually it’s B’s because the only thing I really hate is anything Algebra.  On every test so far this semester, when I get my test back there is that one question that I know the answer to and mark the wrong answer.  HELLO?  DUMBASS.  I caught myself doing it today on my test in biology.  It’s E, I started marking A.  I caught it though.

Anyway, my point is that I expected to struggle and maybe get a B, not be consistently holding an A.  Now, this doesn’t mean I’m off to become a biologist or anything, I’m just saying, yeah me.

It seems as if what I think I’m capable of is much higher then what other people thing I’m capable of.  What the hell am I doing?  It’s quite possible I need to face the facts.

Because I know there are like fi no, maybe one person or NO ONE IS curious….NO ONE SHOWED UP FOR LAB LAST WEEK.  It was just me and Mr.  Mumbles.  Talkative Tess and Late Boy were no shows.  I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.  CAN’T WAIT.

My life is so thrilling.

Rob just ate the last chocolate chip cookie.

Dear Luke,

I have not written you a letter in awhile.  Each time before I start a letter, I refer to the previous letter.  There’s a couple reasons I do that.  One is that I’m a real nut case and it would drive me batcrazy to think the last letter was number 13 and I jumped on to 15.  Two, is that I like to reread what I wrote, what you were doing or not doing compared to the present time.

It’s been awhile since the last letter.  Somehow each time I tried to start the next one, it seemed like it wasn’t coming out how I wanted it to, or read how I want it to read.  I it was then that I decided that instead of trying to force the letters, I would let the letter come to me.  I would know the moment it was time to write the next one.

Today was not that much different from any other day over the past couple of months, but somehow, something has changed.  You are saying so many words, pointing at what you want, answering me or your daddy, knowing what you want and don’t want, it’s a whole new phase.  A whole new phase that I’m absolutely loving and everyday I wake up, I can’t wait to see you.  Even when Daddy tells me to sleep in, I just can’t.  I wake up and roll over and yes, I’m still tired, but I hear you giggling downstairs and running around and I just want to be around it.  I want to be sitting at the table together eating breakfast.  I want our days to start and end together.  I can’t help it.  I just absolutely love what you have brought to my life.  Even if you keep calling me Stacey and not Momma.   Except that one time I asked you to please call me  mom because it would make my day and you did.

Not so long ago, I was really missing the first few months of your life.  The days where you slept in my arms, the days filled with smiles and coo’s.  I don’t know, it just seemed like it passed in such a flash and that suddenly you were this baby boy on the move.  And yeah, maybe that sounds crazy because you are no where near the point of not needing me.  But, like I said, it changed again.  You are still on the move, and no, you are still not really interested in falling asleep in my arms, but you are interested in playing.  And laughing.  And being the funniest thing I’ve ever known.  We laugh together, we play ball together, we put all the Little People on the bus together.  You bring me books and I read them to you and you like it.  You actually understand that you are bringing the book to me so I’ll read it to you.  Even if it is The Barnyard Dance and as much as I love turkey’s, I’m never going to trot with one, or strut with a duck, but I will read it over and over if you wish.  If you get anything from this letter at all one day, I want you to know that I’m having FUN.  Amazing fun.

Love,

Mommy

I hate leaving a post up for longer than 2 days.  It kills me. It kills me because it happens when I can’t think of anything to blog about.  I’m so whiny today, you gonna wish I didn’t hit “new post”.  Actually, I’m not what whiny, it’s just been a rough day of trying to schedule classes.  Classes for winter.  Apparently the school doesn’t understand my schedule and it sucks.  Three of the classes I need are all offered the same evening.  And I wanted to take the one class because it’s a part two of two and I’m in one this semester so it  makes sense.  I ended up working it out though so I think it’s gonna be okay.  I can’t believe it’s almost time to register for winter.  I think it’s the last week of October, but I wanted to get it figured out so I’m not trying to do it all in one day.  I’m so “ahead of the game” like that.  I make myself sick.

The other part of my whine is that I just have really bad cramps and I’m tired.  I didn’t get a chance to clean because Luke didn’t nap and I really needed to do the floors.  Can’t wash the floors with a Lukey around.  But the good part is that Rob is working late tonight and will be home all day tomorrow and he said I could sleep in!  Yeah!

(last part of my whine.  I don’t even want to talk about how rain and SNOW are ruining my fall)

Let me see what new pictures I might have to share……OH, here is some from the parade we went to last Saturday. Isn’t that clown scary????

I find it quite interesting that since cutting my hair back 2008, right after Luke was born, I’ve really had no desire to grow it back.  I thought I would really miss it.  I thought I would cut it, not hate it, but then want to grow it back.  I do sometimes miss some styles I could do with it, but I can’t really do those styles right now anyway because of the hair loss I experienced due to pregnancy hormones.  That’s not to scare any pregnant readers, most women do lose some hair but of course I lost a significant amount around my face at my hairline.  I have had many moments of almost tears while getting ready because I would have to smooth down the hairs or where a comb like headband that held them back/down.  These fun little fellows are finally at a point where I can control them and I can really feel a difference now in the fullness of my hair.  The hair under my bangs area is finally growing in and blending into my long bangs and I’m actually loving it.  Ideally, I think I would like my hair just past my neck with some thick/longer type bangs.  Which is how my hair is now, only it rests at my neck, which I consider an annoying phase because I either want it shorter or longer whenever my hair is this length.

I really love the Monday night lineup when it comes to television.  I’m sort of mad they moved The Big Bang Theory to 9:30, but I know what they were trying to do and it worked.  They are trying to get viewers to watch the new show they put on between HIMYM and BBT, Accidently On Purpose.  I don’t hate it.  Although, I’m usually doing something else when it’s on, so I half watch it.  But something did catch my attention and I’d like you tell me what you think:

I think I want this.  I love it.

In trying to lessen the whine;  I will tell you all things I am happy about.  I’m happy about grilled cheese.  I’m happy how the cheese melts together with the bread and when you pull it apart it stretches.  I’m happy how warm and crispy it is in my mouth, but not too crispy so it doesn’t damage the roof of my mouth and make me regret eating it later.

I’m happy that Luke says “HI!”.  He says it every time you enter a room, it doesn’t matter if you just left to go pee, when you come back he’ll say it.  He’ll say it if you just step out to put some empty cans out where you keep them.  He’ll say it in the morning, he’ll say it after nap.  I’m happy that when I ask him to give me a hug and a kiss, he comes running.  I’m happy that when I ask him if he’s ready to go to bed or nap, he runs towards the staircase.  If I ask him if he needs his diaper changed, he runs towards the staircase.  Maybe I should test this and ask him an off question and if he still runs towards the staircase, I got nothing here. 

I’m happy that when I come to bed in almost tears over a show I just watched, my husband will wake up and crack a joke, I’ll laugh but then he’ll recognize my sadness and listen to me talk about it even though he’s already been sleeping for two hours.  He might get slightly confused, but I’m happy he tries to put my mind at ease even in his sleepy state.

I’m happy that I get to be home with Luke 5 out of 7 days.  I’m happy for every thing that has happened in the last million years to make this possible.

I’m happy that I have taken the time to really focus on saving money when it comes to grocery shopping.  I’m happy that I have reduced our grocery bill from an average of about 110 dollars a week, to an average of 50.  This week was my lowest week yet at 40 dollars.  Yes, this started to save money, but now it’s more of a challenge.  We eat different things every week and almost all of it is prepared homemade.

I’m happy.  In this season of my life I am truly happy.  But I’m not sure I’m ready for it to change, for the leaves to turn, for the snow to fall, for the flowers to bloom, I am afraid.

I recently read Eat Cake.  This paragraph towards the end of it really struck me.  I’m a sucker for good quotes that make me think.

“Everything changes. Sometimes when your life has been going along the same way for a long time you can forget that. You think that everyday is going to be the same, that everyone will come home for dinner, that we will be safe, that life will roll along. Sometimes the changes are the kind you can’t do anything about: Someone gets sick, someone dies, and you look back on the past and think, Those were the days of my happy life. But other times things change and all you have to do is find a way to change with them. It’s when you stay in exactly the same spot when everything around you is moving that you really get into trouble. You still have a chance if you’re willing to run fast enough, if you’re willing to forget everything that you were absolutely positive was true and learn to see the world a different way.”

Well, whatever I did helped because I got 100% on the quiz!  Yeah me!  I think the best part is because I studied so much for this quiz, I am way ready for the test on Tuesday and feel a great relief knowing that I can relax all weekend.  I still plan to do a review of some problems on Monday, but just to refresh my memory.

It’s getting to be Fall around here, I’m really excited about these upcoming months with Luke.  He is so fun right now.  I picked him up this hat and these mittens today.  How cute will his little head be in this hat?

I love being outside, but this is my absolute favorite time of year to be outside.  I love when you come inside and smell of fresh air cool air.  I love hearing the crunch of leaves under my feet.  I’m so excited to share all of that with Luke.  My plan today after I picked him up from daycare was that hopefully he would nap this afternoon so I could mow the lawn and then we’d play outside and wait for Rob to get home from work.  Nap, he did.  Mow, I did.  Play in the yard, we did.  Rob came home and he Lukey did some swinging!

Then we came inside to dinner bubbling in the crockpot.  It sucked.  I feel like I can cook a lot of things well, but one thing I don’t cook well is a roast.  Last night Rob asked for a future dinner with a little more “meat” to it.  On my way home today I decided that a roast was a good idea, I had things I needed to get done but quickly assigned the crockpot as a helper that could basically get the job done for me.  Apparently the crockpot didn’t like me ordering her around like that.  I was quickly reminded why I hadn’t made a roast in like 3 years. My days attempting it are over.

It was still a good day.  It’s still the start of MY weekend.  We have a lot of exciting stuff to do this weekend.  It’s Pulaski Days so there’s a parade!  AND, in a new thing this year, the city I live in is hosting this.  It’s really, really cool and we are going to check out all the art this weekend.  I can’t wait to see that moose in person!

Studying.  I studied last night.  I studied this morning.  I’m gonna study again.  Oh boy.  In biology the prof gives us a study guide.  Super helpful.  Got an A on that test.  In accounting, that prof does nothing of the sort.  I’m not hating or anything because she gives a quiz before each test and the quiz is very helpful.  The problem is that she is not too specific about what is going to be on the quiz so I study everything,which again, is already great review for the test but I get freaked out it’s going to be on the one thing I’m not studying for.  Why do I say this?  Well, the first quiz was nothing she said it was going to be.  I still did okay, but I was like WHAT?  The first test was also a little off.  She focused on the financial statements so much and so I practiced and practiced and  yeah, I got 100% on that part of the test, but she failed to mention all the terms we were being tested on.  And that’s okay, I still got an 86% but I was just sort of disappointed and mostly in myself, I should have reviewed them more.  And one of the questions was on something she said we didn’t need to know.  Um, hello?  Then I don’t study it.  So we have a quiz tomorrow and a our second test on Tuesday.  I feel really good about the test, not so good about the quiz because I don’t have a  clue what’s going to be on it.

What the hell am I talking about?  Here’s why I’m going on and on.  Does anyone have any good study tips?  Here’s what I do now.  I rewrite my notes, several times.  I try to rewrite them without copying and just remembering.  I practice all the Quick Study questions and then when she posts the answers I check them and if they are wrong, I actually remember that better because it was wrong and I’ll punch myself in the face because usually I know where I went wrong.  I also try to remember things throughout my day.  Just now while typing this I stopped twice to rehearse the 4 steps to the closing process.  I remembered them!  Maybe that’s enough.  I’m jealous of people who just remember stuff, I’ve always really had to REALLY study for everything and then I still never get a 100%.  Boo.  Well, except in English or Creative Writing.  And this blog doesn’t count for correct grammar and all that crap because I’m always in a hurry. 

*I  know that’s not really what Phil is saying, but the title started out as Studious and when I had just typed Stu, the song jumped in my head!

I RAN INTO A DOOR LAST NIGHT!

My head hurts really bad today.  Like bad enough that when I got out of the shower and flipped my head over to put the towel on my head, the towel touching my forehead HURT.  When I was blowing drying my hair and the brush even thought about going near my forehead:  PAIN.   When I’m thinking and my eyebrows scrunch up:  PAIN.  In my defense, here’s what happen:

I was coming in from going to the store to get flour so I could MAKE MY HUSBAND COOKIES HE WAS BEGGING ME FOR.  Ahem.  And it was a DOWN POUR OF RAIN.  So the door handle on our front door is the kind where you push down that part of it with your thumb and push it in (great description, no?).  And it wasn’t budging.  And of course I was so patient while the water rolling off the roof (like was someone was spraying me with a hose) starts going down my fleece and ONTO MY SKIN.  So I pushed harder.  Of course when I pushed harder it opened and my forehead met the door frame.   I was delighted.  I shouted, “WOOHOOO, I needed a good head bunt today!  I was saying to myself, man, if I could just get a good head bunt and looked what happened, Rob?  I GOT ONE!”.  And then I did a head bunt jig.  Because sometimes jigs are necessary.

And then I made cookies.

I have  no idea whatsoever what to write about today.  I want to write though.

This weekend we went to the farmer’s market.  I had a lovely brainstorm idea to make an apple pie from scratch.  This might seem like no big deal to some people, but I had never done it and I’ve always wanted to attempt it.  I did it.  I made the crust and it sucked.  It tasted fine, but the process sucked and I couldn’t get it to come off the counter all in one piece no matter how much flour I used.  I used this recipe, and then while it was baking I was looking for other recipe’s and came across this one and HELLO DROOL, no fair!  I wanted to make that one!  I still might because I have plenty of left over apples and I even have a pie crust in the freezer.

After the farmer’s market and my apple pie adventure AND after Luke’s nap we headed down to Octoberfest in a park  near our zoo.  It was fun, I love the music.  Luke LOVED the music and even Rob enjoyed it.  I was surprised.  He’s gone to some polka festivals with me and I just assumed he hated the music.  He said he actually doesn’t mind it when it’s live.  He said if it was playing on the radio, he would be like, “What the hell?  Turn the channel.”  That’s basically how I feel about sports so we are even.

During our daily adventure’s on Saturday I noticed a smell on Luke that I was not happy about.  You know that smell you get if you leave your clothes in the washer too long?  Ugh.  I cannot stand that smell and I’m always careful to make sure I don’t leave clothes in the washer.  Even if I think they have been in there too long, I will rewash them.  What made the most mad is that load of laundry was a majority of Luke’s clothes.  It was pretty big load, well, it contained a lot of small things.  It’s funny, I remember folding and refolding all of Luke’s clothes while I anticipated his arrival.  I loved it.  Ha.  Now I dread folding his clothes because they are super teeny tiny and the socks are constantly getting lost.  Anyway, today I’m rewashing all of his clothes because I couldn’t stand the smell.

I’m on a major grilled cheese kick right now.  Gosh, I love them.

And that’s my randomness for the day.