FAQ to myself

Why did you look like you were dying this morning in your 9:00 am meeting?

I really wanted a donut. And I don’t even like donuts. But this morning, I think a donut could have been an answer to all my prayers. I watched the girl next to me eat it like I was eating it myself. I enjoyed every bite she took, and when the drop of custard spilled out of the donut and on to her napkin, it took all I had not to whip it up quickly with my pointer finger and say, “yum!”. But I didn’t do that because then I would be called “crazy”. Hello Crazy, get your own donut you psycho! Well, I can’t justify eating a donut, and usually I’m okay with it, but not this morning. I was not okay with it this morning (am I okay with it now? I don’t think I am yet). I think it had something to do with the Food Network. Yeah, yesterday when I was running I watched Sandra Lee Semi-Homemade on mute while I jammed out to my iriver, she was all about cakes yesterday and I don’t think I was over it when I woke up this morning. I might want to try this martini though, damn that looked good!

Why do you seem unenthusiastic about your new “roommate”?

Because yesterday, as I knew she would, she came up to me and said, “Hey Roomie!!!!!!!!” Ugh, I wanted to slap her. She’s just too perky and way too into everyone else’s job because she doesn’t quite have one of her own and I know that while I’m working on my daily blogging tasks, she’ll be interrupting me by putting her hands together and keeping her eye’s shut a little too long and saying something like, “You know what a great project would be?”. Is it too much to ask my boss that a partition be put up between us? I mean, we don’t even work in the same department but we do work for the same team, but I don’t need her big ole cheerio face staring at me every day…ALL day. I’m really not as evil as I sound….just imagine someone who doesn’t know anything about your job, who doesn’t have a job of their own, trying to get involved in your job…it just creates more work for you, while that person gets justification for their existence at the place of employment. As a person, I do like her. Also, I have people that work for me, as she does not, so often times I have meetings with these folks in my office so they can talk to me…..I guess I just ask her to leave when these occur? Okay. Phhhhhht.

Why does your face look darker then your arms today?

Today I’m wearing a ¾ sleeve black button up shirt but didn’t expect such a difference in skin tone to be noticeable from my face to arm, although no one I work with has said anything, I noticed today after I got to work and looked at myself in the employee bathroom. I don’t wear makeup on my face, only on my eyes. But I look disgusting when not tan, so my recent solution to all of this was self tanner because I’m too lazy and cold to go to the actual tanning booth, where I have to undress, apply lotion, get dressed again….you get the picture. I started out applying the self tanner like a normal person….on my whole body. Well, then the inevitable happened….I’m too lazy busy to deal with all that applying and washing hands crap, so now I only apply it to my face. Not every day, no, just every couple of days. Just enough so I don’t look dead. And when wearing long sleeved shirts and pants, hey, who cares? But today someone could definitely catch on if observant enough.

Why did your husband call you grumpy this morning?

Apparently in the middle of last night he got up to take the fat dog downstairs and when he returned I had taken over the whole bed. He claims he said he asked me what I was doing in his sweetest sleeplike tone, and I responded by yelling, “I’M SLEEPING!!!!!!!!!” as I grabbed my pillows and all of the blankets dramatically and rolled over. I cannot deny or confirm this story.

Did you really try to trick your husband last night?

Yes, yes I did. If he didn’t see the empty package of Italian turkey sausage, he would have never known. I believe that very much. And just for the record….I liked the turkey sausage way better then the original. And not to brag, but I’m a good enough cook that I can add a lot of flavor so that a person would not notice. He just never stays out of the way when I cook. He ate it, in fact, he ate practically all of it……which seems like a good argument except then I thought of this post.

Why aren’t you on vacation right now?

Good question.

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