Star is the word…

What’s up bizzotches! I am here to update since the Princess of the house is once again sleeping. I say princess, because I am the queen, don’t you know? She might be, like married to that hottie that comes home about 3:30 every day but little does she know that he is my man. And if I could speak English that bitch would know and recheck herself. Seriously.

I don’t know what the eff is going on around this joint lately but something ain’t right. I can feel it. It’s like that Mary Pizzoppin crap with the wind changing and all that. I usually get thankfully left behind in the morning when the princess goes running but for some reason last week she made my chubby arse go for a walk at 6am! I’m not sure what the hell I did to deserve that but doesn’t she know….I do not partake in any activity that makes my tongue pant out of my mouth for longer than 60 seconds, unless it involves eating. Moreover, that B needs to slow down. I am proud of my curves and I have no desire to make them smaller. I’m sure you’ve all heard that song, “my milkshakes brings all the boyz to the yard…” yeah, that’s about me. Holla!

Anyhootinanny, like I said, something ain’t right. I overheard some shiz about something or another like….baby. WTF? That B better not be sleeping with my man. And if for some reason she did and got herself all knocked up, I am not about to even think about sharing this crib with a baby. It’s bad enough I don’t get leftovers now because Hottie doesn’t know when he’s full, but I refuse to give up my spot on the floor next to the bed. That is my spot and I refuse to share!! And another thing, I will be making it clear who was here first. By my calculations, I’ll have 15 years seniority over that little milkbone. No, I’m not stupid, this is dog years people!

I think I just heard the butter knife hit the Jiffy jar, I gots to go, yo. Lattes….

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