There’s 2 holes! 2!

Why is it that I can buy my husband a pair of jeans without his knowledge….take them home to him and when he tries them on they fit him perfectly and his ass looks great? If he did that for me….or dear baby Jesus we would have a different situation on our hands. It takes me between 2 hours and 3 weeks to find a a pair of jeans that fit my ass perfectly.

How come I see deep cleaning as a moving the stove to wash the floor and collect the nasty dog hair and my husband see’s deep cleaning as sanding down all the walls in our house and repainting them? Seriously people. He actually said this to me last night as I made, I’m sorry he made our “Fall” cleaning list. When I left for the gym he was my video game playing husband…when I returned he was…well…me.

I’m helping you on Saturday. I see a bunch of things that need to be done around here.”

“Oh, like what?”

“Well for one, we need to clean behind the stove, for another all these walls need to be sanded and repainted.”

I’m sorry what?

I uttered nothing and just looked at him.

He went on, “you know, there’s some holes.”

My turn:

“I know there’s holes but let’s just fill them with a little spackle and move on….I am not and I repeat NOT painting this kitchen again. I have painted it twice since I’ve lived here and wasted 3 days of my life scraping red, white and blue triangled, yellow from smoke wallpaper that was put on with cement, and I am not doing another damn thing to these walls!”

Bitter. Table for one.

He also wants to sand and repaint all of the kitchen cabinet doors which I’ve also painted twice since I’ve lived here.

I’m spent just thinking about it.

This is a STARTER house people, a 2 bedroom, hard wood floored, yes quaint but still a starter house nonetheless. Not my dream house. If it had a dishwasher, it would be close though….seriously, it doesn’t take much to make me happy….or bitter apparently.

I have painted, I have cleaned, I have redone the bathroom (okay he redid the bathroom), I have replaced all windows, I have ripped out carpet, I have replaced fixtures, I have vinyl sided (him again) and I’m not about to do anything else now but keep it up.

I diverted him by suggesting we finish the last project we started. Let’s hope it works and he forgets about wall sanding.

He did finish the list for Saturday though. Broken down into 3 sections:

  1. Sweetlips Tasks
  2. My tasks
  3. Tasks we do together

I have created a monster people.

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