I swear, this is God’s way of showing me my mom isn’t that bad…

Before I get started I just have to say quickly:

*Our back porch light bulb was stolen out of our porch lamp.  Isn’t that ridiculous but freakin scary at the same time?  And I swear I don’t live in a bad neighborhood but sweet baby Jesus I’m about ready to move!

Anyway, onto most recent drama………….

Yesterday I called my MIL and left her a message.  I say this because I’ve about had it with her passive aggressiveness and the way she treats myself and my husband.  She did not answer, of course, but I just left her a short, not rude, very tactful message about how the issues she has with Rob are just that, between her and her son and to please leave me out.  I would have never done this because for the most part everything I hear is through Rob and so I let him deal with her but yesterday she called ME on MY phone (which she has never called before but suddenly she knows the number) and left ME a short curt passive aggressive message.  A message in which a) she did not introduce herself b) only said 3 words and c) then hung up abruptly so I’m pretty sure I took her correctly in that she was being a snot.  She also called me twice, so I assume that’s not all she wanted to say.  Just prior to leaving me that message she left my husband a message that said, “thanks for making my mother’s day a good one.”  And I know why she left that, because the other 2 kids planned a dinner that Rob chose not to attend.  He was going back and forth all day about not going and when he asked me if I wanted to go, I said I would, it would be uncomfortable for me but I would still go to support him.  Well, then he finally called his sister and brother and said we wouldn’t be making it.  Want to know why we didn’t want to make it?  I mean other than what I’ve written about before?  (UPDATE!  I had the wrong link here, you have to highlight this one to read…sorry!)

Here’s what she’s said that I just can’t get over:

          1.  In reference to our miscarriage last summer, “That’s what you get for living the lifestyle that you have chosen.”  This is what she says to her SON the day after we lose our baby.

          2.  Now just recently Rob and I have been discussing daycare heavilyand getting ready to get things set up as to not wait until the last minute when I’m ready to come back to work.  My mom mentioned early on that she would like to take the baby on her 1 day off during the week and my dad also volunteered.  I let Rob know this and he mentioned his mom possibly watching the baby 1 day as well and then putting him in a daycare center the remaining two days.  He asked her about this last Wednesday evening and her response?  “Sure, the extra income will do me good.”  Rob reminds her that it’s only one day.  “Why only one day?”  He tells her because my parents are watching him the other two days and then he’ll be in a center the last two.  “Well, why can’t I have him all 5 days?”  Rob tells her that we don’t want to overwhelm any of the grandparents and burden them.  Her response?  “Well, I hope her parents know what they are getting into and what a big responsibility it is to watch an infant, so I’ll just take him whenever they don’t want him because that will get old fast.” 

Let me also stop here and say a few other things.  My MIL does not work.  My MIL does not charge Robs sister or brother for daycare and watches their kids 6 days a week.  I’m sorry, one of them 6 full days a week and the other two pretty much whenever they are not in school (she pretty much raises those kids, and let me tell you she is NOT raising mine).  Now, if we were asking her to watch Baby Boy 5 or even 4 days a week, I would expect to pay her, I don’t expect someone to do it for free, but ONE day?  FUCK THAT.  AND THEN YOU INSULT MY PARENTS?  FUCK THAT AGAIN. 

So basically?  That old crotch is lucky that’s all I said to her on that message because I have a A LOT more to say.  And really?  This is just a tiny tiny slice of the entire cake of things she has done, although not to me so I can’t really go on and on about that since…..you know, then I’m just being pissy but I feel these things I’ve written about now have directly effected my husband and have been somewhat ABOUT me.  I really don’t think I will ever get over what she said about our miscarriage.  And how my husband sobbed after he got off the phone with her because all he wanted to hear was, “I’m sorry.” 

I just can’t help but feel like she despises Rob for becoming the good man he has.  He is such a great person, husband, supporter and gosh, I just can’t say enough.  And it’s almost like she’s mad at him for it because she continuously puts him down for it. 

Before I left that message I stopped to wonder if I was leaving the message for the right reason.  Would I feel bad after I left it?  Am I lowering myself to her level?  I decided no.  And here’s the thing.  She has made a lot of passive aggressive, VERY inappropriate comments to my new SIL and new SIL never says a word.  I always wondered why she never said them to me and Rob felt it was that she knew I wouldn’t take her crap.  He thinks I just have that demeanor and I just wanted her to know, directly, that her crap message was unacceptable and I wasn’t going to sit by and not stand up for myself.  I felt that if I said nothing it was opening the door for her to think she could walk all over me. 

So here’s what I said,

“Hi (insert MIL name here), it’s Stacey.  I just got your message and although I’d like to say Happy Mother’s Day to you too, I get the impression from your short unemotional message and the fact that you have never called me before that it’s about more than that.  The issues between you and Rob are just that, between you and your son.  I’d appreciate it if you would leave me out of it.  Thanks, bye.”

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  1. Ugh. Sorry for your mother in law problems. My MIL and childless SIL seem to spend more time with our nieces and nephews than their own parents do. Neither of them has ever watched our son, and it will probably stay that way. We don’t agree with the way they do (or don’t do) some things. Good luck with it.

  2. Anonymous

     /  May 12, 2008

    Oh man, I don’t know how you handle her so well. I wish she treated you guys better.

  3. MS

     /  May 12, 2008

    That anonymous was me

  4. That is really unbelievable. So sorry you have to deal with all this. Like the stress of a baby coming soon isn’t enough. You guys are being strong and mature about it though, so good for you!

  5. I am so angry for you I’m shaking. SHAKING. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, but I think you’re handling it really well.

  6. It sucks that you have to deal with that…she really sounds like a monster-in-law! I think you handled it very well

  7. I think you handled it very well. I am sure she will freak out about your message, but you did the right thing.

  8. WHAT?!?!?!? I just cannot believe your MIL. I cannot believe she said that to Rob after your miscarriage. That’s inhumane.
    Too bad it’s not possible to totally disccnnect from bad people. I’m sorry!

  9. What a bi-atch! You did and said the right thing! I hate passive aggressive fighters!!

  10. OK, so I’m catching up on your blog (I’ve missed it!). I canNOT believe your MIL said that to her own son after such a traumatic thing. I wanted to cry when I read that. It’s really unbelievable how heartless and cruel people can be. I’d have cut off all ties with her then.

    Like everyone above said, you’re handling this very well. You’re certainly treating her with more respect and consideration than she deserves!


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