How do you like being a mom?

That would be the most commonly asked question I get right now.

I must say that being a mom to Luke is the easy part. When he cries I go to him. I change him and he cries because I know he hates being naked. I feed him because I know when he’s hungry and could pretty much figure that out right away after he came into this world. When I hold him and he smiles at me and shows me his amazing eyes, I tell him how much I love him and how wonderful he is. And even when I lay him down after he falls asleep in my arms I say to myself, “Okay Luke, mommy just needs one hour of sleep in my own bed”, and I hear him cry for me within seconds, I go to him with that thought completely disappearing like smoke because it’s so soon forgotten when I know he needs me.

That’s the easy part. It’s natural and so rewarding.

The hard part is figuring out where my old self and my new mommy self are going to meet. Where does who I used to be, if only one small detail, and all these new details going to intertwine and make me feel like me again?

The minute I was pregnant my life changed. Even though I knew my life was changing forever, I still expected a little of my old life back after he was born. It’s happening, but it’s happening slowly and maybe this a bit much to expect 11 days in, but the thoughts are still there.

I’ve let what some people have said effect me. I feel I’m being watched at every mothering thing I do and that’s frustrating for me. I’ve had to deal with my mother-in-law more and that’s overwhelming when I just feel like she’s waiting for me to make a mistake. And she makes her lovely comments and I have to try to ignore them which is hard to do when I’m dealing with a major case of PMS. Because that’s what happens after you have a baby. All those hormones that I built up for nine months are still there. They are leaving (thank God), but still there nonetheless.

My goal is to ignore these comments people make about me being a new parent. Maybe some people should look at their own mothering habits instead of mine. This person wants to be alone with my son and it kills me. I don’t want to leave him with her. Crap. I don’t know how to make that not happen.

I gotta get some sleep.

Thanks for all your wonderful comments about Luke. He is just as awesome as he looks in those pictures. 🙂

And even though I’m totally behind on comments, I am still reading. I’ll be commenting again really soon!

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4 Comments

  1. Ugh, hormones! They are bad enough during menstruation, I can’t even IMAGINE how awful they get after you’ve had a baby!! Try not to let other people’s comments get to you – in the end, YOU are Luke’s mom, and he is your son, and YOU get the final say in EVERYTHING!!! And if someone challenges you, you can simply state, “Back off B*TCHES, I carried this kid in my body for the last nine months, and if you don’t like my rules, then SCREW!”

    And then you can cry and blame it on the hormones….hehehe, it’s the perfect excuse to be a raging lunatic 🙂

    Keep the pictures coming – he is the cutest thing ever!!!

    Reply
  2. I am having a mini-identity crisis – how can I become a MOM? Is that going to be the thing that identifies me? Let me know if you figure it out. Also, please let me know if you figure out the mother-in-law thing too because I am in a similar boat.

    Reply
  3. Sassafras

     /  August 13, 2008

    Thank you for leaving your blog address in your comment!

    Luke is so frickin’ adorable. Congratulations.

    Reply
  4. I’m sure most new moms go through something like this. It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job. The thing is, just because you carried Lucas for 9 months and spent all that time in the delivery room doesn’t mean you automatically know exactly what you’re doing.

    You will make mistakes — just like every other parent on the face of this earth. But you will learn from them — just like all the other GOOD parents on this earth. You love Lucas, and as long as you keep his best interests in mind with your decisions (which it sounds like you’re doing), then you’ll be fine.

    Your MIL just needs to butt out!

    Reply

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