Face Off

Want to know a secret?  I’m about to get all insecure on you and let you in on something going on in my head.  It’s been going on for awhile now and I’m to a point in my life that I have to get over it.  I would also like to note that I’m not writing this so you can comment on how crazy I am and give me compliments, I’m writing this to tell you how I’m trying to get past things, because when you have kids, you have to get past things.  I’m just saying.  And I’m like growing as a person and stuff. 

There are things about the way I look that I have gotten over since hating myself in my twenties and accepting me for who I am now that I’m in my thirties. 

I used to hate my legs and butt.  I’m over it.  I actually like my legs and my butt and have accepted the curves that they give me.  I actually ENJOY my curves and I have accepted my body.  I have also learned what looks good on me and what doesn’t and I think that helps.  I was actually impressed by my body after giving birth to Luke and that I didn’t look THAT bad for being the highest weight I have ever been.  My body carries it well and I’m happy about that.  Here I am now, 10 pounds to go to be 2 pounds lighter than my prepregnancy weight and I’m not unhappy about it.  THAT is a milestone in itself for me and my head.

But, I’m not done….what do I still hate?  In every picture?  My face.  Every single time I take a picture, I am very critical of my face.  I feel like it’s bigger than it should be or something and I feel like it’s not what I see when I look in the mirror.  I feel this way no matter what.  No matter if I’m at my skinniest or carrying an extra few pounds, I hate it. 

When I recently took pics of me and Luke, and when we had our family pictures taken, I was already finding myself going through them:

Ugly.

Double chin.

Eyes look crazy.

Eyes look squinty.

Blech.  So what?  Am I going to throw away or not develop pictures of memories with MY FAMILY because I’m insecure about how I look?  That is by far the stupidest thing I could ever do.  I have to get over it!  My face is my face and it’s not changing. 

What’s even more interesting is when I go back and look at old pictures, I find myself saying, “Oh, that wasn’t a bad picture, I might actually look cute in that picture.”

See?  Why can’t I do that now?

Well, now I am.  I’m not deleting pictures or not developing pictures unless it’s because eyes are closed!

So there.  I love my face.

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4 Comments

  1. You are beautiful…your family is beautiful and your baby boy is super beautiful!!! Don’t you forget it!!!
    As for taking a good picture – always smile (as naturally as you can), squint your eyes just the tiniest bit so it makes you look more sincere and tilt your head just a bit. This comes from a natural born poser. LOL P.S. There’s always photoshop if that doesn’t work.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

     /  November 14, 2008

    I always find is so interesting that some people can
    “not like their face” or think they are ugly when others look at them and think they are so beautiful.
    j c

    Reply
  3. I know exactly what you mean. I decided to go ahead and post pictures of me on Facebook where I have my eyes closed or am sleeping and look so unattractive. All the photos that we took from a trip to Vegas left me with half open eyes because I forgot my sunglasses and the sun was bright. But I can’t not post pictures from a vacation, right?

    Slowly we’ll get over these things because in the end, we know it doesn’t really matter. We just need to get there. And we will.

    Reply
  4. I think you look beautiful in your pictures.

    I totally do that same thing, where I think I look bad at pictures, then look at them months or years down the line and think, “Why did I hate this? I look good!”

    In the past I’ve comforted myself by thinking that maybe we can see ourselves properly with our own eyes — that maybe the mirror or lenses can’t show us what really look like. Some days, it’s a nice thought.

    Reply

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