This Little Light of Mine…it burned out.

This is the first time since I’ve been laid off that I feel very defeated.  Very low.  I’ve spent the last few months feeling lucky, life is full of opportunities, the world is my landscape and I’m going to paint it.

Somebody stole my paint.  Or washed it down the drain.  Something.  I want to hide away.  I want to cry.  I have.  A tear is resting in my eye at every moment and just waiting to fall.  The second my mind goes there, they do fall.  I am usually the kind of person that has a plan.  The plan is what keeps feelings like I’m having now in check.  The plan kicks ass in my mind and tells me everything will work out.  Maybe I’ve gotten too lucky for too long.

I usually don’t need anyone to tell me what I need to do.  I have it mapped out in my head before things ever even happen.  But at this moment I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do.  Make the choice for me.  It’s as if I’m physically and emotionally unable to.  The Person I ask for help doesn’t speak to me verbally.  He gives me tiny signs and I have to search for them.

I’m just not sure I have the energy to look.

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4 Comments

  1. Anonymous

     /  April 22, 2009

    Big hugs. OXOX ms

    Reply
  2. I have felt like that before too. You’re not alone. You will get through this.

    Reply
  3. I hope things improve. For now, your bright spot is the extra time you’re getting to spend with your son. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Oh, I’m so sorry that this is so rough. This is what your blog is for – get it out so that you can move on! Sending lots of good vibes your way. XO

    Reply

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