I would’ve never made it as a Pink Lady

I lost my cool last night.  I don’t lose my cool very often.  I’m usually pretty easy going and it takes a lot for me to lose it but when I do, I DO.  And last night was one of those times.  The difference though was that even though I lost it, I lost it rather calmly.  Like the silent treatment lost it.  I just kept it to myself but  still wasn’t hiding it well because Rob could tell.

I don’t really let loose on here when it comes to an argument or differences with my husband.  I know why.  I don’t want to make him seem like a bad guy.  Because he’s not.  But at the same time we are human and even though I love him very much, we still have our moments.  I play my part in these moments too.  I’m not going to deny that.  And what I always find interesting is I struggle to really let it out on here, but what helps me IS reading other blogs that are honest.  Or talking to my girlfriends and finding out that they lose it too, and yes, their husbands drive them nuts as well.

I’m not exactly sure what cause my attitude yesterday but yet, their are a MILLION reasons I had one.  You know what I mean?  It’s like your irritated and unsure why but could list several reasons?  I guess it started with yesterday being busy.  Busy with meeting with the buyers of the Cheese House.  Waiting an hour to meet with the lady at the bank to do the notary, driving to the city to file the paperwork and then running late to the time I told my MIL I’d pick Luke up and my phone dying in between so I couldn’t call her and tell her I was running late.  I was happy and congratulated the new owners as we left the city building and was thrilled to be 95% done with the Cheese House.  I say 95% because I am still the deed holder.  I’m not sure what I expected, but sometimes I wish Rob would do something wonderful like meet me outside with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.  Or even meet me at home with it.  Niether of those happened.

We had a night out planned since an old friend of mine was in town from Florida.  We were getting together with her and some friends to have dinner and drinks.  Luke was going to Michelle’s for the night and I intended on having a great time.  But Luke had only napped at MIL’s for an hour.  I didn’t get back to the house until 4:30.  That’s two hours to get ready, pack his bag and possibly give him another nap.  I fed him.  We laid him down.  Rob got ready.  I’m beginning to pack the bag but can’t get his clothes or anything because those are in his room and I didn’t want to disturb him.  After I get out of the shower, Luke is still not asleep.  He’s half babbling, half crying and this noise drives me crazy.  I feel like a bad mother as I try to transform out of my merrells and jeans with peanut butter on the thigh into somebody else, a 32 yr old hot wife in cute jeans that make my ass look great and a cute top.  I cannot ignore that he’s not going to fall asleep. I try to find something cute to wear and it’s a struggle, but why does it matter?  I don’t know, but it does.  Nothing fits.  It’s all too big, I should be happy, right?  But I’m annoyed because I don’t want to waste money on some new cute outfit to go out one time when I really don’t “go out”.  I find something cute though, this old standby black shirt that is freakin cute with slightly puffed capped sleeves and ruffles around the neck.  Rob has gotten Luke out of his crib at this point.  And yes, he took him downstairs but he’s screaming for me at the bottom of the stairs from behind the baby gate.  He can see me in the bathroom and shutting the door only makes the pitch of his cry go higher.  I feel bad for trying to get ready when my son just wants to play and love me.  I feel myself getting mad at Rob.  Doesn’t he know this is frustrating?  Can’t he distract him SOMEHOW?  But he’s busy asking me what needs to be packed in Luke’s overnight bag.  Can’t he just know that too?

Finally, I’m ready.  I come downstairs and double check the bag.  We are ready but we still have about 30 minutes before we need to go.  Rob tells me he’s starving.  Everyday Rob tells me he’s  hungry and some days I tell him I’m starting dinner soon but other days I want to scream, “HOW IS THIS MY PROBLEM?”

We heat up some leftovers and have a small snack.  And FINALLY, we are out the door and on our way to drop Luke off.  We do that, irritation is growing, it’s all these things.  We get down to the bar we are meeting at 10 min early.  Soon it’s 20 minutes after and no one is there but us.  This was it.  The finale to my frustration.  This was a dinner/drinks planned for 20 people.  Everyone is late.  It’s a small bar.  I don’t see us eating until 10pm at this point.  I see huge dollars signs wasted in drinks until that point.  Dollars that I don’t want to waste on alcohol.  During this wait Rob makes a few comments that annoy me because, even though we are both frustrated with people being late, he is less forgiving then I.  I’m all, “Oh, it’s okay.”  And he’s all, “Why did you say 7 if you meant 8?”

We left.  We left before anyone even got there.  And I didn’t call anyone to say why or anything.  I was just mad.  I came home and changed out of my hot ass outfit and back into my sweatshirt wondering why nothing seemed appealing to me at all.  Nothing.  Not even stopping at another bar to just have a drink with Rob, and not having a fire outside with Rob.  I laid on our bed and tears filled my eyes.  Rob asked me what was wrong, I really didn’t have an answer but one of them was, “Why is it that I can’t do ANYTHING without Luke coming first all the time, but you can?”  See?  See how it’s hard to write about this stuff because that statement right there sounds as if Rob is the worst father ever?  And he’s not.   And how it sounds like I DESPISE that I can’t do anything without thinking of Luke ALL THE TIME and that’s not true at all.  I think that makes me a good mom.  But just SOMETIMES I wish I could GET READY without him screaming for me at the bottom of the stairs.

I got a good nights sleep though.  And today is a new day.  I’m not sure what I’m going to tell my friend though.  Probably the truth, which seems petty and stupid, but it’s real and that’s all I can say.  It  happens.

Michelle, sorry I lied to you this morning when you asked how R was.  But I didn’t want to get all into that this morning, but I’ll fill you in more when we are eating blueberry coffee cake next Saturday.

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6 Comments

  1. Sorry you had a bad night. I’ve been there. All of it, from “why can’t I do anything without a kid attached to my leg or screaming for me to let her past the gate to attach herself to my leg?” to “why is it always my job to feed the baby and now apparently since I’ve proven I can handle that, it’s now my responsibility to feed a man who used to be able to do everything on his own?” And not wanting to use the blog to vent because people will read that and might think that’s all your relationship is about. My husband asked this morning if I wanted him to distract the little one while I made her bottle. It was a sweet, too infrequent offer, but she doesn’t take morning bottles anymore. Not for a couple months now. Ergh.

    Tomorrow is another day.

    Reply
  2. I tend not to write negative things about H, mostly because a bunch of H’s coworkers read my blog. (Which is another complaint because I really wish H had not shown all his coworkers my blog.) But anyway, I totally understand everything you wrote and I have definitely been there.

    Reply
  3. Michelle

     /  August 31, 2009

    I totally understand and have been there. That’s too bad it didn’t work out. Yes, we’ll chat over my coffee cake and coffee. Hugs. I still had a great time hanging out with L and can take him anytime for you.

    Reply
  4. Amie

     /  August 31, 2009

    Same type of weekend for me too! Lov you!

    Reply
  5. Oh, I’m sorry that the evening didn’t turn out. Next time will be much better. I’m sure. XO

    Reply
  6. Sassafras

     /  September 2, 2009

    I’m only 5 months into this mother gig but I get it. I totally get it. So many times I’ve wanted to get on the blog and complain but didn’t want to deal with the comments that might come.

    Moms take on so much more of the responsibility…it is just the way it is.

    Reply

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