Mommom is my name, Mommom is my game too

I play catch.

I run around the couch.

I run to the end of the hallway and back.

I hide and scare him because he loves it.

I do lay-ups with the basketball because it makes him laugh so hard.

I won’t go near him when he’s playing with his hockey stick because…well, let’s just say…I see going to the penalty box for high sticking in his future.  But I cheer him on and we both stop to clap and cheer.

Oh how he loves to clap and cheer.

I tell him he’s a big boy when he trips or falls and gets startled.

I watch him pack up his spaceship (he’s always sure to pack his blankie) and I wave goodbye after he does, I make sure to ask him, “Will you please come and visit me?  Maybe you’ll come home for the holidays?” He just takes off.  He’s back 30 seconds later.

I laugh when Rob let’s him pick out his own pj’s and he comes down the stairs with  penguins on the bottom and monkey’s on top.  I love it because it would never occur to me to do that.  I do let him pick his breakfast though by holding it up for him to point at.  He always picks the banana.

I like that he can play content by himself but I will stop whatever I’m doing if it’s not important to play with him when he tugs on me.  What I mean is if I’m scrolling Face!book well then, it’s time to log off, but if I’m making dinner, well, he has to be patient.

These are all things that I love.  These are all things that yes, they are not always easy, but they are so natural.  It’s so easy for me to be a mom, it seems.

But, like I’ve said, I’ve changed.  And as much as I love doing things for my son and husband, I often miss that person.  Part of her, anyway.

Sometimes I need the quiet.  Sometimes I need the alone time.  Sometimes I need to be alone with my husband, sometimes I just need to be alone by myself.

A few plans that I made recently, that were important to me, didn’t happen.  Once it was because Luke fell asleep, once it was because something that was supposed to be open wasn’t, and once it was because something unexpected came up.

I don’t get mad at Luke for falling asleep.  I don’t get mad at things that are out of my control.   But I do start to feel lost.  I start to feel lonely.  Like I have spent too many consecutive days doing the same thing and going to the grocery store does not suffice for “me” time.

Today, of all days, I felt so lucky and so blessed.  I have just been put on my first unemployment insurance extension.  And this is just the first one.  I’m starting school again and even though I still have a lot of credits to go, they are creeping up there, and how lucky am I that I get to do this and be with my son all the time?  Very lucky.

But tonight, when I had plans to get away if only for 2 hours without Luke, without Rob and it didn’t happen, my heart just sunk to the pit of my stomach.  And then it sinks again for having such thoughts.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Is that a line from one of Paula Abdul’s songs?  Oh no, that was Promise of a New Day.  Oh well, close.  Hahahaha.  I loved that album.

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2 Comments

  1. Does Luke call you Mommom?

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  January 15, 2010

      Yes! And he yells it! He so loud, I’m not sure where he gets that from. 😉

      Anyway, he yells, MOMMOM! And I yell, LUKELUKE! It’s a game now!

      Reply

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