I interupt this program…

…to bring you some random thoughts about some happenings today.

About two hours ago my Wednesday night prof posted a message on the college blackboard saying she could give us the quiz through the blackboard site if we all agreed that was okay.   Wha…what?  This seemed unclear to me, is class canceled?  So I responded and posed the question.  She then responded saying that if we could take the quiz online then we didn’t need to come to class.  Well, hello then?  I will do that.  Even though I’m already here, at school waiting for accounting to start, and even though my accounting class and night class is in the same classroom, I will still leave and go down to the lounge and take it online where I can USE MY BOOK.  And then I’ll go home and love on my son.

This leads to my next topic.  Today my MIL called and asked me if I could meet her at the local grocery store to hand over Mr. Lucas because she had some shopping to do.  I gladly obliged.  No big deal.  I pulled up next to her and to my somewhat surprise she had a friend with her, some lady but again, no big deal.  Luke is usually incredibly thrilled to see his Grandma, she gives him fruit snacks, so when he immediately tucked his head into my shoulder, I was caught off guard.  I have never really seen Luke be so shy.  He didn’t cry or make a sound but he would not look up.  I told him it was Grandma, didn’t he want to see her?  He sort of (and I mean BARELY) turned his head to see her but still kept his head on me and when she put her arms out he did go to her but kept his head still very low.  She put him in the cart and he stayed doubled over with his head buried against the bar of the cart that you push with.

MY HEART WAS BREAKING IN TWO, PEOPLE.  I don’t mean to sound like a super babyish mom here, which I do not think I am, but in that moment as I watched him in my review mirror waiting for him to pop up and be the Luke he is and he did not, I wanted to throw my truck in reverse and say, “Nope, I got it, it’s fine, we are going home now.”

I didn’t do that, obviously, but what was that?  I THINK it may have been the women with my MIL, a stranger to Luke.  These feelings I have of always wanting to protect him can be overwhelming at times.  I say, “at times”, because it is my instinct to always want to protect him but also want him to learn and experience things and I’m well aware of all the new phases that he could go through, but then there are these moments that it is extremely overwhelming and my mind can start to wander towards all the bad things in the world and that’s when I have to just push it out and remind myself that I can’t worry about EVERYTHING.  Anyway, I had a moment like that just now after dropping him off.  A moment that I had to remind myself that he is okay and I can’t always be with him.

In other news, I can’t wait to watch Couples Retreat with my husband.

And that’s it, you may go back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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