Imperfect

I get so agitated easily these days.  I would normally consider myself rather patient.  I  might not be exactly easy going about everything but  a lot things don’t bother me.  For example; it does not bother me when people drive slow in front of me.  I also don’t care if people in front of me in any line take a long time because I would rather read that US magazine in line then pay for it.  I wait patiently for Luke to pick out what toys he wants to bring to nap and I let him shut the door to the mudroom when he feeds Star every morning because I know he likes to.  Even though every morning I have to open the door, help him with the dog food container lid and shut the door again and go back in the kitchen.  It never makes me feel like I’m wasting time.  None of it.

Except today.  Today is a good example.  The grocery store was packed.  I felt I got in a decent line with only one customer’s groceries on the belt but I guess kudos to her for having 45 coupons to be scanned and then one of them needed to be rechecked by a manager.  So fun.  While this is happening Luke is kicking me in the thighs from his seat in the basket.  I ask him to stop.  He thinks it’s funny.  While the check out lady is finally scanning my groceries she is also inspecting every thing and telling me what she thinks.  I’m finally out of the lane and on my way to the door and guess who is standing in front of it reorganizing her purse?  45 coupon lady.  I had the urge to ram my cart right up her ass.

I didn’t do that, of course.

Later I go to the nearby drive thru pharmacy to pick up a prescription and I’m behind someone again who is…I have no idea.  Taking forever!   So it’s fine.  As I’m finally pulling up I can hear the lady in the drive thru next to me saying, “NOT ACCEPTABLE.”  And she was mad.  Come to find out she was that mad because they could not fill her prescription right then.   I have never once dropped a prescription off and expected them to fill it as I sat in the drive thru.  I always expect to have to come back.  She did not and when the lady said they would hurry and it would be five minutes, she still was mad saying, “This is UNACCEPTABLE, and I am APPALLED.”  I tried to think of something that would ever make be so rude and the only thing I think is if maybe it was the most important prescription ever for Luke, otherwise, no way.  At the end of my prescription pick up the girl thanked me for being patient and I said, “No problem, you have a nice day!”  Because really?  I just think it’s not okay to treat people that way.  You never know the situation.   And then I felt bad for wanting to ram my cart up coupon lady’s ass.  Maybe I was really jealous of her for being such a coupon queen when I can’t seem to get it mastered.

I think my frustration with Luke lately has been with his stance of independence.  It’s hard to change his mind once he’s set on something.  I get it, but I’m scared of it too.  And sometimes when I sort of feel myself going to that frustrated place, it immediately doubles because it’s then that I realize in 6 months there will be TWO children and can I handle this?

Last night somehow his diaper actually came undone so this morning started out with a fully urine soaked bed and child.  Which also means blankie is a goner and needs to in the washer machine stat to be ready for nap time.  He lost it.  I deterred him asking him if he could be a big boy and help Mommy push the garbage container out to the road for Trash Friday.  It worked.  And in those moments I”m proud of me.  I did it!  But those moments aren’t always there.  And not that long ago, maybe 90 minutes ago, it made me cry.

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3 Comments

  1. Erin

     /  October 1, 2010

    We don’t know each other, but I’m a fan of your writing, and a long time reader. And, sometimes, you just need to hear it:

    You’re doing a great job. Excellent, even.

    You have a wonderful outlook and philosophy on life, and your love for your family shines through.

    🙂

    Reply
  2. Stacey

     /  October 3, 2010

    Thank you, Erin. It’s really nice to hear that.

    Reply
  3. Sassafrass

     /  October 4, 2010

    Cut yourself a little bit of slack…those hormones are brutal.

    You can handle two, no doubt in my mind. It might take a learning curve but I know you can do it.

    Reply

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