The Boob Job

I’m a little jealous of women who get to keep their normal boob size all through their pregnancy.  I know then that what happens is they give birth and 3 days later they wake up with two floating devices are their chest but still, at least they have all those months of normal boobs.  My boobs?  Well, it’s no surprise that they plan ahead and make all that room for the milk 3-4 months in advance.

Want’s some TMI?  Who doesn’t.

This summer my boob size was 32A.  The smallest boobs I have ever had.  That might even be a tad generous because I remember being in shock when I got measured for that bridesmaid dress I had to lie about.  Right now?  34C .  The worst part is it seems this change has happened in just the last 4 weeks so it’s WHAMMO!  Boob city.  Rob is THRILLED.  He’s been looking for my lost boobs for MONTHS.  Although, they hurt so bad from all this growing that I’ve threatened to kick in him in his manly area if he even THINKS about touching them.

He cried when I said that.

It was this way with Luke too.  They just got ginormous and then the milk came and they didn’t get any bigger, they just filled with milk and stayed the same size (but I was not a 32A to begin with that time so it’s more shocking now).    I’ve also only gained about 7 pounds so far and I’m pretty sure 4 of that is boob.  What was your experience?

The other thing?

Breastfeeding.  Luke got breast milk the first 5 months of his life.  Because of some latching issues, he was never actually breast-fed but I strictly pumped for 4 months and then because my boobs like are overachievers (see above), I had enough milk supply to last the 5th month.  The decision to stop was because I returned to work and because I did not have a comfortable atmosphere at work in which to pump and then I felt like I came home to my baby who I missed dearly and had to be attached to a machine rather than snuggling with him.  I hated it.  And when I started to hate it, I knew I had to stop but even though I hated it, it tore at my heart so much.  I felt like such a failure and TRUST ME I do not give two rips if other moms breastfeed but I’m telling you if you do and it comes time to stop, I think no matter what it is an emotional experience.

So of course I’ve started to think about this time and how it’s going to be and how pumping will be so difficult with a 2-year-old and a newborn.  And maybe this baby will latch on but there is still school and I plan to not skip a beat so he’ll have to take a bottle either way while I’m at school and Rob is feeding him.  So I guess what I’m saying is it’s possible this baby will not get breast milk at all and it’s already bothering me and making me feel like a failure.

I’m so judgmental of myself.  I know plenty of moms who didn’t breastfeed and I think no less of them, I think we all do the best we can.

On another note, I almost hate to let my boobs down….they are clearly getting ready to do what they were born to do and believe me, they don’t disappoint.  How could I do that to them?

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2 Comments

  1. Oh, your boobs will understand! Your boobs are kind and understanding (just like you are) and they know that you’ll just do the best that you can do. 😉 Not only are your boobs overachievers, they also have compassion.

    Reply
  2. Sassafrass

     /  December 20, 2010

    I’m going through the same thing right now! First time around I had to get a new bra at 9 weeks. I was thrilled that I didn’ t have to this time. Except now they are growing and it is so painful! Ugh. The only good thing is I have the bras still from last time. However, when my milk came in they got even bigger! It was horrifying. Thank goodness they adjusted after a couple months.

    You need to do what is best for you, best for your family and your little baby. Please don’t judge yourself!

    Reply

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