I know you want a good laugh

Yesterday’s doctors visit went better than the last one….EXCEPT….oh yes, there is an exception.

The past two weeks I have been drinking, drinking, drinking that water, that crystal light, that whatever I could that didn’t have caffeine in it as to not cancel out my big hydration plan.   Basically, for the last two weeks I have been floating. Yesterday morning was no different, in fact, I even consumed my daily amount of water intake before my 1:45 appointment just to make sure I would have to pee.  I wasn’t about to hand over another teaspoon of pee this time, oh no, I was going to give those nurses a gallon jug if I had to.

I waddled into that office all confident with my full bladder and after checking in, I headed to the bathroom to leave my deposit and……stage fright.  Good gravy, that never happens.  But eventually my body came through and I was ready with the cup and all but holy crap what is going on…..?  Now don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about when I say that my stream was all kiddywompus (a word my husband says only my brother and I use) and flying everywhere but INTO THE CUP which means it was GETTING ON MY HAND.  GROSS.  So I stop my stream…re-evaluate and try to go begin going again, only to find that I’m done and guess how much made it into the cup?

A FREAKIN’ TEASPOON.

Aw hell.  The fabulous gallon jug plan was foiled.

Whatever.  I’m still confident that urine will show a good analysis.

Of course, every other appointment takes forever and a day so I usually bring a book, but today I brought my notes and planned on getting in some studying but not today, oh no, this Dr. is on it and is right in there right away.  That’s okay with me though because I like her and she was the Dr. who delivered Luke.  But before she comes in, it’s the nurse who does the blood pressure and we listen to baby’s heartbeat and then……

Well, here’s where you might laugh.  Remember the last post where I say how I’m already for this to be over?  It’s funny how when the nurse says, “Okay, it’s time to ask a few questions about your birthing plan and get those into your chart…..”  Yeah, that might make you rethink how fast this is ACTUALLY going even though it doesn’t seem that way at all.

Well, that’s not too bad.

THEN, the Dr. comes in.  The one I like.  She tells me that I am absolutely NOT DEHYDRATED.

Haha SUCKERS!

Then she begins discussing strep B with me and how they are going to test me for that at my next appointment.  Well, I had strep B with Luke and that was the reason for a delayed epidural that I didn’t get until I was dilated to a NINE and I don’t prefer that to happen THIS time please.  I tell her that.

She says everybody has strep B, (oh good, that makes me feel less dirty) it’s just a matter of if it’s active in your vagina at the time of birth (you’re welcome) and so it’s possible I might not have it this time.

But I still tell her that I’m concerned about getting the drugs in time because of how fast I was with Luke even though I realize not all births are the same, there is still the possibility and she says yeah, once you are fast moving birther (yeah, not a word) then it’s not uncommon to be a fast birther again, but that they do their best to understand that about the patient when a patient is on their way down there in labor.

Okay good, because I’m all about the drugs.  I mean, I’m not saying I won’t try to do it without the drugs because I got really far last time and it wasn’t like I couldn’t do it again, or like I even have a choice since the baby is coming out NO MATTER WHAT, but I want to at least know that if I can’t take it, then I don’t want to WAIT.

And then she says, “Well, sometimes it does just go fast and there’s always a chance there isn’t time for the drugs.”

Hmm.  That made me have a heat flash, but it was really hot in the office on Monday due to the sunshine, I think, but that also made me be okay with these last weeks.  Sort of.  Either way, it sure was a good way to shut me up.

 

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2 Comments

  1. I use the word, too, kind of – I say cattywompus.

    Hopefully with all that liquid you drank your sample wasn’t too…diluted.

    Reply
  2. What the hell, stream?! Keep the situation under control – we’re looking for a gallon! Maybe next time?

    Reply

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