The Skinny

I find it interesting how if someone is losing weight people have no problem making comments about it….either negative or positive.  In my experience, it’s been negative.  I’ve actually made it a personal point to never comment on someone’s weight, whether its’ a loss or gain.

I’m not sure why it’s okay to act all worried when I’m losing weight and to tell me to eat a donut, but when someone is gaining weight at a rapid pace, I wouldn’t tell them to put down the donut right?  That would be frowned upon, yes?

Here’s the thing, you never know what someone is going through so maybe it’s a good idea to keep the mouth shut.  I’m not saying that I have never been concerned about a loss of weight in other people.  I have actually had two friends that I’ve wondered about when I saw an extreme weight loss but I still never said anything to them.  Should I have?  One of them really concerned me because she still thinks she has problem areas.  And when I met her for dinner recently and we were talking about Luke’s diet (not a DIET but what he eats) she told me she would count her kids calories….that disturbed me.  I still kept my mouth shut.

I’ve meant to write about this for a long time but could never really put it into words.  Until I read another blog post similar to how I’ve felt and it set off my brain.

Before I had Luke and minus a few chubbier years in my early twenties, I’ve always exercised.  I took up running and fell in a love/hate relationship with it.  I was pretty easily maintaining a weight of 138-143 with going as low as 133 right around the time before I met Rob and kept that up until we got married.  I am 5’6, in case you are wondering.

When I first met Rob and he was introducing me to his new friends, I got a couple of comments and stares similar to what A talks about on her blog.  I was offended then although maybe not as much as I have been recently.  It surprises me though how upset people get when you don’t eat, or when you stop eating because you are full and they sure think it’s okay to make comments about it, but again, am I making comments about how you are going up for seconds?  No.

When I got pregnant with Luke, I hadn’t run in a few months but instead was doing a new kickboxing routine a few days a week.  I weighed around 143 at this point and realized I wanted to get those 5 pounds off again but then I got pregnant.  At my first 9 week appointment I had already gained 7 pounds.  I continued to gain another 38, so in the end I weighed 188.  Yikes.  I was afraid.  My goal was to get back to 140.

I started running as soon as I could, I went back to eating how I used to before I was pregnant and I got down to 144 and then it happened.

I had my first “out of control” experience as a parent.  I don’t mean that I was out of control, what I mean is that I wasn’t IN CONTROL.  And that’s when anxiety entered back into my life.  I hadn’t had anxiety attacks since high school and suddenly they were back.  It happened when my dad was in the hospital and then soon after the issues started back up with my mom.  I just have this feeling of nothing can go wrong with me because I have to be well and able to be there for everyone else.

I saw my doctor who prescribed me some meds to take situational…..which means I only take it if I feel an attack coming on but oddly after I met with him and he gave me a few tips, I rarely have them anymore.  I think I’ve had about 4 total since and that was in 2009.  I also began talking to a counselor.  I have a lot of anxiety issues when it comes to my mom.

Anyway, along with the anxiety came a busier Luke who I needed to chase  more and I was also continuing my regular exercise routine along with starting school….and the weight began to fall off.  You know when people say that….and you’re all, yeah right?  Well it did.  I remember weighing myself and weighing 127 and actually being afraid that something was wrong with me because I was still eating (although more often and in less amounts) and I have always been the kind of person that believes in eating as opposed to NOT eating when it comes to losing weight.

I have never been one to skip meals and I love food, love to cook and love to feed people and I love to do it in a healthy way so NOT EATING is really not an option for me.

So then by Christmas of 2009, I weighed 123.  Sometimes I even weighed 120.

At the surprise birthday party that Rob threw me in Jan of 2010 was when the negative comments about my weight really started rolling in.  My feelings were so hurt.

I held steady at 123 until I got pregnant this time, but then I was so sick that at my first visit to the Dr. to treat that kidney infection I weighed 116, although on my home scale I weighed 118, but whatever….this is why I wonder if the Dr. was mad about my eating.  But I was sick and didn’t feel good at all then and I told the OTHER Dr. at the time that wasn’t my regular weight.  I was back up to my regular weight around 8 or 10 weeks in and I’ve now gained about 17 pounds with this pregnancy.

MY POINTS:

I just think it’s interesting how sometimes people think if they lose weight they will be happier, but that I was much happier when I was pregnant with Luke than I am this pregnancy.  I also think it’s interesting that physically this pregnancy has been harder even though I probably gained too much weight with the first one.  (I just have to say this has nothing to with the CHILD, this is only about me), I also think it’s STUPID of me that I hated to see the scale creep up with my first pregnancy and still hate to see it creep up now….it’s like it’s INSTILLED in us as women.

I also think it’s interesting how much people concentrate on weight, and maybe I did or still do too, but that when I look at people, that’s not really the first thing I notice.

If I’m jealous of anything about people it’s usually because they have skinny thighs (skinny thighs are something to me that you either have or you don’t no matter your weight), you have thick hair, you can carry off a style that I can’t, I love the way you do your makeup, I love that you can wear lipstick because my lips look funny in lipstick, I love that you put those two things together because I wouldn’t have thunk it, I love that you can pull off great costume jewelry because again, I can’t.  OR, I think it’s awesome that no matter what weight you are, that you work out.  I love that you ran that race even though you didn’t think you could finish, I love you admit to not really wanting to work out but you can sew or do things that I don’t think I could ever do.

I love you for YOU. I admire you for YOU.  I never think about your weight or in fact, even see you in any other way than just this way that I already see you because I love you.

This post is really for nothing other than another reminder to myself to be conscious of other people’s feelings, even my own.

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9 Comments

  1. michelle

     /  February 21, 2011

    Yes, I agree, skinny/overweight comments are rude. I think that people feel it’s okay to comment about one being skinny. It’s not always a compliment and is equavalent to saying someone is overweight. It does hurt. Better to not say anything.

    Weight, I think it’s all about what makes a person happy and feeling good in your own skin. Confidence should be a goal, not a number on the scale.

    Reply
  2. I loved your post and I think that you are exactly right. People are so judgmental of others. I think that the most judgmental people are those that are self-conscious of themselves and for whatever reason being judgemental makes them feel better, so as I have gotten older (34), I try to remember that and not take it so personally – althought it is still hard. As I read your post, it reminded me so much of myself – our first pregnancy weight gain was the same and we started out at around the same weight. I, too, lost a ton of weight after my first pregnancy and after going into the doctor about something unrelated I was diagnosed with Graves Disease which is an autoimmune disease that causes my thyroid to be hyperactive (I think the name makes it sound worse than it is). I was able to get it under control and have a second baby and while it came back for a little after my second was born (probably not as much as I would have liked in order to get off all of the pregnancy weight quickly – LOL), it seems to be under control again. I had never heard of Graves Disease or hyperthyroidism until it happened to me, but apparently it is a very common result of pregnancy. I am not saying that you have it – I am just relaying my own personal story because yours touched me today. Your posts are always so personal and touching. I am so excited for your new baby – the second child is such a joy (crazy and exhausting at times), but such a joy! And, nothing gives me more happiness then to see my two girls play and love each other. They are so young but their bond is already so strong.

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  February 21, 2011

      Thank you for your comment! Sometimes I wonder if my blog is too personal but then I try to remember that is why I started it! 🙂

      The first thing my doctor did was check my thyroid levels because having anxiety like symptoms is a sign of something wrong with the thyroid and it came back normal. Also the fact that I’ve learn to control them before they start and have a history of them leads me to believe that this is something I have to deal with. But thank you and I always love another point of view and/or insight!

      Reply
  3. Great post… reminds us all that what’s on the outside isn’t as important as on the inside. Making comments about ones weight is usually done b/c the commenter has his/HER own issues. I do think that if you feel as though a friend is unhealthy (skinny or overweight) it’s ok to say something to her. Saying it when the time is right and just between the two of you….. that’s just showing concern. Making snide comments in front of others is rude and hurtful…. not cool!

    How many women are truly happy with everything about themselves? We all have something that we think is “wrong” and would like to “fix”. It could be weight or something as simple as lipstick (like you mentioned). I truly, truly believe that we as women need to be each others’ cheerleaders!

    Reply
  4. Tess of trueishstory.blogspot.com has written before about her policy not to comment on weight (or food) at all, and I am trying to adopt that policy too. Not that I commented about other people’s weight very frequently before.

    Pregnancies and related weight gain/weight loss has really changed how I feel about myself, and I need to get back to a place where I have a healthy relationship with my weight.

    I am sorry that you have received negative comments about your weight. I totally get this post, and I’m glad you wrote it.

    Reply
  5. thanks. 🙂 i think people are just jealous. really.

    Reply
  6. Kristen

     /  February 22, 2011

    I’ve been playing around with a post idea like this one for a while. People do not realize that being told “I must be anorexic” because I was so naturally thin is incredibly hurtful. I remember feeling almost defensive about being thin — even post-baby. Thanks for writing this out.

    Reply
  7. Oh, girl, I’m so glad you decided to write about this!
    I love that no comments on food/weight policy that was posted in the comments above. I’ve never “made” myself such a policy (I just don’t naturally make those comments) but I think that I may. Just because I think that it is a good example to set…for the whole world. Yes, I’m a role model for the entire world.

    Reply

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