Making the Call

This morning my brother woke up at 5:00 am to a phone call from our mother.  She was calling to let him know that her mother had died.

Our grandmother has been dead for 30 years.

Could you even imagine that?  I think that would be the worst part and is by far the worst part to witness.  Reliving those moments you forget happened.  Reliving the sadness.  Bringing brought back to reality.  Even when your reality is already fucked up.

I don ‘t know what my brother said to her.  My father is the one who told me.  Mike might tell me, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t tell me.  Like he didn’t tell me he called her to remind her of  my birthday.

The  last year has been hard and a blurry one.  I would have all sorts of odd conversations with my mother and my visits were not as often as they should be but I was dealing with my stuff, being so sick and pregnant….it was easy to almost completely ignore it.  I didn’t ignore it entirely.  Before I got pregnant I offered to do anything I could to help my step-dad out with all the paperwork for my moms disability and to help with guardianship.  He ignored my proposals, never got back to me.  I asked him again around Christmas and I got the run around about how AGAIN, she was getting better and finally her meds were right and crappity crap, crap, crap.

I kept wanting to do something but just couldn’t think of what.  And I’ll be honest, sometimes it is really easy to try to pretend it isn’t really happening or that perhaps my step-dad isn’t really a douche and is doing something over all these months.

I attempted to call the social worker that worked at the hospital she was admitted to last year but I couldn’t remember his name.  And I did leave a message with who I thought it was but never got a call back.

And then a few weeks ago I received a phone call from one of my best friends.  You see I met her because her and her family live only one house down from us, where my mother still lives.  They welcomed us to the neighborhood with chocolate chip cookies when we first moved in and let’s just say that anyone who welcomes me anywhere with chocolate chip cookies is a friend for life.

Anyway, she wanted me to know that my mother had gone down to her parent’s house (while my step-dad was at work) to tell them that Luke was locked in her bathroom.  He wasn’t, of course, but her dad double checked instead.  My friend’s parent’s house wasn’t the first house my mom went to, she had gone to another neighbors house before theirs, but didn’t even knock, just walked right in.  Luckily she knows my friends parents, but does not know the other neighbors so you can imagine how startled they might have been.  I know I would be.  Regardless of an illness or not, if someone walked right into my house with my two children here, I would not be a happy person.

This was the final straw.  I talked it over with a few people who also didn’t really know what I should do and that maybe calling the police would be the right thing.  I didn’t really think the police could do anything but maybe they could point me in the right direction?  Right as I’m about to hit “send” to call the police, my step-dads call came through my phone.  He did his normal down playing of the situation, even mentioning that she “doesn’t normally wander.”  Well, what is “normal?”  It’s unpredictable.  How could he say that?  He also mentioned that maybe it was because of the heat, in which I responded with, why?  Where is the AC?  The AC is broken and in not so many words he said how it was expensive to fix.  This isn’t the first time in over the course of the year that my step-dad had brought up expenses and this was really aggravated my myself and my brother because if he would apply for her disability it wouldn’t be an issue.  I also wonder if he was sitting in the heat all day, would he have gotten it fixed already?

My mother is basically a prisoner in her own home.

I didn’t call the police that night.  After talking with my step-dad, I thought it might be somewhat of an overkill but like my dad said, “It will happen again, you will call them then.”

But then that next Friday night my SIL and BIL came over for dinner.  My SIL just happened to ask how my mom was doing and I told her what had happened and that’s when she mentioned Adult! Social! Services.

I felt the biggest sense of relief.  Why hadn’t I thought of that?  Seriously.  I feel sort of stupid for not thinking of it before, but it really never occurred to me.

So I called.  And I spilled my story to the guy who takes the notes and then the next morning a social worker called me back.  And then she did a home visit where she felt very much that my  mother was at a very high risk and should never be left alone.

She has given my step-dad a list of things he  must carry out by June 29th or the county will be taking him to court.

He doesn’t know it was me, he thinks it was the neighbor.  In fact, I spoke with the social worker after the visit and she was shocked he had not shared it with myself or my brother.  She actually found it “disturbing” and will be initiating a family meeting.

I do not want him to know it was me.  I don’t care if thinks he’s getting away with whatever the thinks he’s doing but I will not just sit here quietly while my mom could be in danger.  Well, I guess I will sit here quietly but I will know, and my brother will know that we are doing something.

Previous Post
Leave a comment


  1. I’m so proud of you for stepping up! And my heart aches for you, that you’re having to manage all of this.

  2. You are amazing. You are strong. You are a great daughter. You’re doing all of the right things in the hardest of circumstances. Sending you lots of love and hugs and anything else you could possibly need. Seriously.

  3. Sending you love and strength. You did the right thing!!

  4. You definitely did the right thing. I don’t know what to think of your stepdad. I don’t want to believe he is meaning to put her in danger…Maybe he feels responsible for her and thinks he should be able to do it all on his own…? I don’t know his reasons, but you are so right to intervene. Whatever his reasons, he is putting her at risk. I hope it all works out the best for your mom.

  5. I’d glad Social Services stepped in. You did the right thing.

  6. You are an amazingly, strong daughter. I’m sure it doesn’t always feel like that but you felt like your mom was in danger and did what you needed to go. I commend you! Thinking of you and your family! I wish you the absolute best

  7. What a difficult situation to be in. But as you said, you did something, good for you!

  8. Sass

     /  July 7, 2011

    That took a lot of courage! I hope some positive changes are made for your family’s sake.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • Email me!

    togethertheycome at yahoo dot com
  • History

  • Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: