The Outcome

If my mom had come to me in 2008 or even the beginning of 2009 and said that she wanted to appoint my step-dad as her power of attorney, I would’ve accepted that.  There would no issue here.  But my mom constantly reminded me that she didn’t want that.  She had a will put together right when they were married that Tom would not get anything of hers and that she wanted it all to go to her children.  She even has it stated in her will that upon her death my step-dad is no longer allowed to live in her house and my brother and I are to take it over.  I’m not sure I necessarily agreed with that, but I was not surprised by that, my mom was just that way.  She has money in several banks and when she opened accounts she would call me and tell me I was her beneficiary and that she trusted me to be fair with Michael but she would never tell me the balance.  Never.  I’m positive that even my step-dad was not aware of balances until yesterday.

Last year when my mom was first diagnosed with dementia he took her to those banks and changed her beneficiary.  I know she was there and present when he did it but I’m also sure she did it with some confusion.  She didn’t initially put me on there for fun, she knew what she was doing and the fact that he changed that has always bothered me.

My point is that at this time she cannot make decisions for herself or even understand what is going on and I just know this is not what she would want.  She might want my step-dad taking care of her but I know she doesn’t want him taking care of her finances.

I was told I was going to get to speak in court yesterday but I did not get to.  My brother did not get to.  I didn’t get to make these points, and my point isn’t that I should get the money, my point is that this money should be used for her full-time care that my step-dad keeps saying he doesn’t have the money for.  And I over heard him say he wasn’t going to waste her CD on medical expenses when she would be getting her social security/disability soon anyway.

That is bothersome to me.

He didn’t do anything to get us where we are today.  I did all of that.  I took her the mental hospital 13 years ago.  I took her again 10 years ago.  I went to their house and got her in January of 2010 and basically told him I was taking her to the ER.  I was the one who admitted her again to the mental hospital in May of 2010 because she was getting worse and he was doing nothing.  And I’m the one who called APS when he was basically locking her in the house everyday when he was at work but she got out and wandered the neighborhood.

If I don’t agree with the judge, I can get a lawyer.

When I arrived there yesterday and I saw her, she saw me right away, she knew me, she said, “Come sit by me.”  I hugged and kissed her.  I sat down by her and even then, with everything I’ve been through and everything I know…..I questioned it.

Why am I here?  She seems fine.  She’s fine.  She’s getting better.

And that was short lived.

And my stomach flipped and my heart crumbled.

Seeing her makes it very difficult for me to move on.  To stop holding on.

I feel like I’m running through this path of acceptance and it’s a steep hill when I start, but I run my ass off and finally I see the top of that hill and I even get there.  I start running down hill, the wind is amazing and the adrenaline rush from running down hill is freeing.  But then I see her.

And I have to start that path all over again.

It’s really hard to run uphill when you’re crying.

“Everything will change when your desire to move on exceeds your desire to hold on.” (Allen Cohen)
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  1. I hope the outcome is a positive one. What a tough situation. 😦

  2. When will you know the outcome of the court appearance? Who spoke if you did not?

  3. I hope everything works out in the way that is best for your mom. If you do end up needing a lawyer, I would be happy to ask around and get some names of good lawyers who handle those kinds of cases for you. I hope it doesn’t get to that point, but it would seriously be really easy for me to get referrals.

    I’m sorry your stepdad is being so awful.

  4. Sad. I am sad. For you, for your mother, for your family. I can’t imagine how you feel right now, needing to let go of the past and yet still fighting for the future. I just don;t know. Keep following your heart, that’s all you can do right now


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