I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it

I really love my friends.  My real life friends and my internet friends who I’ve technically never even met.  I love you guys, and if that’s too creepy then I really like you guys a lot.  It’s nice to have people who will shoot me a tweet or an email and say hey I’m thinking about you (like during all this crap with my dad, brother, and when I thought my IUD was growing into my uterine wall and might kill me, STUFF LIKE THAT).  Then there’s my neighbor who dropped everything to come sit with the kids a week ago Friday when I had to rush down to the hospital and then she even took my trash down to the curb AND did my dishes.  There’s also the friends who while they didn’t DO anything specific they still offered and sent me reassuring texts and are just there and I know would do anything if I asked.  I hope I’m there like that.

And then I start to think wow,  my family is DRAMATIC.  I mean this is all real and everything.  Yes, my mom has dementia, yes my dad has surgery, and yes so did my brother.  MY FREAKIN GOODNESS.  The real issue here is that both my dad and my brother need to fetch themselves a wife right quick so little sister and daughter doesn’t have to do everything.

Anyway, so yesterday when I went to the doctor for my reassurance, mind you I had had a lot of cramps and not just at a certain time but randomly throughout the month and you know….it kind of started freaking me out.  If the cramps are normal and everything is okay, then I can handle it.  I just wanted to make sure that everything was still in its right place.  Otherwise?  Oh the places my imagination can go.

After the doctor checks everything she was certain all was good but then she starts asking me questions about myself.  So I tell her everything I’ve done.  I don’t know.  I mean, yeah I’ve been busy and yeah, I’ve probably been neglecting myself and no, I don’ t sleep well but I just feel like this is LIFE.  She didn’t really see it that way.  She needs me to focus on me more.  Maybe this was because she noticed my toe nail polish hanging on by a thread on the tips of my toe nails and thought, whoa!

While she’s going on and on, I really wanted to say, “Have you discovered Pinterest?”  Because I think everyone should know about Pinterest.  The real saying should go, “Merry Pinterest one and all!!!”  After she commented on my iPhone case, I thought she might need to know about it, but I decided it was bad timing.

My point is Pinterest is great ME time.  Except sometimes it serves as a sad reminder it’s I’M BROKE time.

I just realized the sleeve of my shirt smells like baby throw up.

My whole point of this post that’s taking me forever to get to is that I always feel bad.  I feel bad when I take a night out away from my family, I feel bad when I can’t make it up to the hospital because I need a night home with my family (we are on day 12, ahem), I feel bad if Luke doesn’t get enough home cooked meals because of all this, I feel bad people have to help me because my family is a nightmare, I feel BAD.

There’s not enough ME time in the world that’s going to make that feeling go away.  How do I get rid of that?

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9 Comments

  1. Michelle S.

     /  December 13, 2011

    I feel your pain and I think a lot of mothers feel the same way. I struggle with this too. Finding balance as a parent/wife/family is not easy. We put this pressure on our selves to make everyone happy, to be perfect in what we do, all the while, we have such high expectations for ourselves that we tend to push our needs to the side and then feel guilty when we can’t do everything. You are an amazing person and go above and beyond. You owe it to yourself to find “me” time and those around will see what benefit it has for you and then EVERYONE will be happy, Including yourself. As hard as it is, try not to feel guilty about doing less for others and more for yourself. Let others take care of you when you need it and don’t be afraid to ask. We all love you.

    For all us women, i hope we can find the balance we are craving. XOXO.

    Reply
  2. Michelle S.

     /  December 13, 2011

    OMG, is everything okay with the IUD? i’m in pain just thinking about it.

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  December 14, 2011

      Everything is fine!! My imagination was running wild but she said it was good to check out to be better safe than sorry! I’m so proud of all your reading, Michelle! And taking time for you! I want to at least read one book over break!

      Reply
  3. Michelle S.

     /  December 13, 2011

    BTW, you are equally there for me. Thank you for all you do.

    Reply
  4. I have just recently come across your blog and I am always extremely amazed at what you are able to fit into one day. For what it is worth, I think you are doing a great job and you are not alone. While my days are nothing compared to yours (I am single with no kids other than a dog and two jobs), I too; find it difficult to find time to do things for myself! There is always something else I could be doing and the guilt creeps in like an avalanche, but the point is you owe it to yourself and your family to find some time for yourself. Even if it is just half an hour of Pinterest browsing! Not only will you find you are much happier for taking the time to do something for you but your family will benefit as well! Plus, you deserve it girl! 🙂

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  December 14, 2011

      Thank you Shannon! I’m going to just do little things and I’ve been working hard this week to make sure Luke goes to bed ON TIME because then I can get a few hours to myself (he’d rather me lay with him until he falls asleep and then I get tired and it’s a bad habit). The last few nights he was in bed on time and stayed there and it’s made a huge difference!

      Reply
  5. First, I hope your dad and brother are recovering! I remember from a tweet or two that Dad isn’t quite following orders so maybe he’ll get better at that.

    As for the “me” time, I think that’s a problem most mothers/wives have……throw a job in that mix and they want to be the best employee/mother/wife. I think you (you in general, not you specific) can do it all but there has to be balance. I’ve learned my one night EVERY month of ladies’ night isn’t neglecting my husband or my boys. It allows me to be a better wife and mother! If I happen to get away to the grocery by myself, I might take an extra 30-45 mins to enjoy a cup of coffee for “me” time. I also keep in mind that I have two (and #3 on the way of course) little ones. They’ll get older and more independent each year. “Me” time will become more available as the years go by….. now, I’m wife and mom first and foremost.:)

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  December 14, 2011

      Rob and I were talking about this last night and how it’s hard now because the kids are so young that they need us so much right now. Because while yes, I need me time, but we need WE time. Our goal over the next few years is to have a night a week where we both do something (like his hockey, and me have a girl date) and then we have a date night too.Or a least each of those once a month as I’m sure we will get busy but when the babes are babies, it’s a little harder. 😉

      Reply
  6. Uhhh…I don’t know? My husband feels the same way you do, pulled in a million different directions and not able to feel good about any one of them. I know I need ME time but as it has been pointed out, little ones make it harder to come by me time. Maybe just small little doses like taking an extra long shower or running an errand by yourself? Sometimes that helps me recharge.

    Reply

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