Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils

Age four has deemed harder than I originally imagined. I had my most challenging moment by far as a parent on Sunday morning and today was the day that I finally let it go. It was hanging on to me right there in the corner of my soul, that I had acted like the child and not the parent and I’m not proud of it. Rob suggested to me that I should not bring it up to Luke again as he had probably forgotten about it but I did anyway. I want Luke to know that Mommy was sorry for the way I acted and that I’m not perfect. It’s hard for Mommy to be patient and calm just like it is for little kids. It was nothing physical that I did to him but I did make him go to his room for 2 hours and he ate lunch in there by himself. A similar thing happened last week and I handled it better, but Sunday? Not so much.

The hardest part for me when it comes to Luke is that I see myself in him so much. He worries about things he shouldn’t, he’s overly cautious to the point of being afraid of things, and he’s a pleaser. He never wants to disappoint.  I’m not saying these are bad characteristics to have (obviously, I am awesome. Ha!) but at four years old? I want him to ENJOY life and HAVE FUN. And I actually think he might be worse than me when it comes to these things I see of myself in him. If that’s even possible. I’m such a treat, internet!

Tomorrow night we are going to Luke’s preschool orientation. I have to say, we are so excited. I’ve been excited for it all day and when Rob came home he told me he was more excited than he thought he would be. It’s so WOW, we are going to visit the classroom and meet the teacher and show Luke all of this new stuff. It’s so amazing THAT WE MADE IT THIS FAR ALIVE. No, it really is just amazing that he’s growing up. And we made him! He is a pretty cool kid. We are both hoping school will have a positive effect on some of his issues (not issues, really). We are looking forward to him meeting new friends and learning and telling us all about it. He gets his ability to talk nonstop from both of us.

I’m sure this will come up in our first conference with the teacher.

In the preschool packet was this sheet. He had to draw a self-portrait on the left and pick out a picture of himself for the right. He’s clearly a genius or a robot.

School already started this week for me. I can’t help but miss that fourth class I had to drop but I will be glad I did when I start my job. It’s still there looming though like I wish I could’ve done it. I’ve already done 5 homework assignments and it’s only day two of the first week. Completely predictable. Today we all slept in until 8:30 and when I woke up I was struck with the feeling how soon that will no longer be an option. Luke will have to be to school by 8:30. Basically whether I’m working or not we will all be up early. SURPRISE!

I’m getting ready for fall by being ready for fall but not ready for winter. What a vicious cycle. I cleaned the entire house today purging a ton of toys that the boys don’t even play with. I feel better already. I was seriously contemplating buying another organizing bin/shelf  thing and stopped myself. Really? We don’t need more storage to hold toys. WE NEED LESS TOYS. After I purged, I separated the toys out by Gavin and Luke’s favorites and put some in each of their rooms. They will not even notice.

Simplify. This is my new motto. Also? Bake more. I baked two loaves of banana bread today and would’ve baked cookies if I didn’t have to stop and work on homework. That’s not really a new motto though. Just one I’m keeping up on.

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1 Comment

  1. We all have those moments my friend because we are not perfect. It’s what you do afterwards that makes the difference (and you handled it beautifully)

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