Time went on for others while it stood still for me. It’s a full inbox of emails both personal and work related. It’s mail on the counter, unopened cards, opened cards, bills that lay waiting. Paperwork left untouched all week when I left last Monday morning, it was just waiting for me right here when I walked back in this office. No more file room for me. I miss that file room. There were cards and gifts on my desk. Coworkers in and out of this office, hugging, chatting, small talk. I’m up and moving now. I’m not quite sure how I do it, but I do. My children still need me. They still want to be fed and go trick or treating. How is it already Halloween? It feels like September 5th to me. When did the leaves all hit the ground? When did they go from bright to brown? I did not intend for that to sound like a poem. I have a paper that was due last week. Take your time, she said. I have a test due Friday. I have conferences for Luke Thursday night. I had to register for Spring sememster last Monday. Everything is still happening. Texts come in, just cheching in…hope you are doing okay. I am doing…okay.
Someone said to me yesterday….losing your mom leaves a hole in your life, there’s nothing you can do but learn to walk around it.
I guess I’m learning to walk around it.
If I could have one wish, it would be one more conversation with her. Before she forgot. I can’t remember when our last real conversation was.
Mother fucker.
I really like to use mother fucker. It helps.
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  1. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I’m glad MF helps. I think I’d be swearing a lot, every time something ELSE (gahhhh) that demanded my attention came up. I wish you could take some time.

  2. Jenna

     /  November 1, 2012

    I love you motherfucker


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