I’ve been pregnant 5 times. I’ve lost 3 babies. I’m so confused by this. I have felt strongly about this baby since Gavin was born. Everything I prayed for I was given for that baby to even try to be conceived. So then we tried. And He only let it happen to take it away. I don’t usually question His path, His decisions, but these last few days as I’m overcome with severe cramping, I find myself doing that. I know I’m not perfect but I love my kids. I love them more than I can stand it and I know I could’ve loved one more. I could love another year of sleepless nights and tripping over baby gates and another child pouncing into our bed in the morning. I could’ve. And it makes me sad that here’s a reason He didn’t think I could. Maybe that isn’t THE reason, but there is a reason. And then it makes me angry for all the mommy’s who feel like I do and how some of those mommy’s don’t even have what I have. So I’ll stop being selfish and I’ll be grateful. I’ll count my blessings every day. I’ll put all that extra love into what I have.


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  1. Jenna

     /  January 6, 2014

    We may never know. Not til we meet Him face to face and ask Him. I was SO angry that He only let me have Will and then Em’s mom died & I got her. We may not see now but there IS a reason & I can GUARANTEE YOU THAT IT WASNT BECAUSE HE FELT ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR ABILITY AS A MOTHER BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD MOM, STAC! He loves you, this I KNOW. As do I. I pray that you get comfort during this time. Wish we lived closer & not in blizzard frickin country b/c I would just come over right now, barge in & hold u & let you bawl your eyes out & snot all over my cute Gap shirt <3 thinking of u lots these days. Will continue to pray for u and your boys & The Husband Unit :)

  2. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds very painful, both physically and emotionally. I’ll keep you in my prayers, warm hugs.

  3. Your pictures tell 1,000 words; you are an amazing mom. Hugs.


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