Achiever

Thanksgiving break. It’s so nice. It’s so relaxing.

I’m bored.

I’m free of homework, writing papers, checking blackboard. It’s amazing. But I’ve spent a lot of time on pinterest lately and I need to get my shit together.

I’m so so happy that I’m finally done with school. It’s not that I didn’t think I’d get here but it always seemed so far away. But here I am. DONE. Just waiting to wear that cap and gown on December 13th. I wasn’t sure that I would walk. I’m 37 years old. But my dad really wants to see it. Rob and a few of my friends encouraged it. I won’t lie, when I got my cap and gown in the mail and put it on….it felt good.

But now I can’t keep thinking, what’s next? I’ve applied for my master’s. I will start that next year. I registered for and will wait patiently for the Spring PHR exam and hope to pass that. But until then? In the last year I’ve applied for jobs and turned down 2 offers and 2 invitations back. I’ve been disappointed in not getting call backs for jobs I wasn’t even sure I wanted. What am I looking for?

A few months ago my director asked me to take this test that with all its magic figures out your top 5 strengths. I did it and we reviewed them over our conference meeting last week. What I found out was interesting. One of my top five strengths is Achiever. Achievers are constantly looking to achieve. That’s how they feel successful. Even if they achieve something amazing one day…..the next day it’s as if they are starting at ground zero again. It’s as if that great achievement never happened. THIS ANSWERS SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR ME. My director goes on to list all these amazing things I’ve done this year….and I said, “But look what I still need to do?” TOTALLY TYPICAL. He laughed. My other 4 strengths really helped me understand where my frustrations stem from when it comes to my CEO. This job I have is really really good and I really love the people I work with. I have no reason to really want to leave right now. This is a great job to keep while getting my master’s and where I’ll be experience wise when that is finished will really be when doors will open. I could probably even start teaching then (which is the real reason I want my master’s to begin with). My top five strengths are so different than my CEO’s. I think I can learn to understand that maybe. Even if he clips his nails in his office (gah!).  With each strength comes sub groups. Four of my subgroups for my strengths are execute. Talk about exhausting. I MUST ACHIEVE! I MUST EXECUTE! I’m also responsible, disciplined, a relator, and focused. How much more annoying could I be?

So here I sit. I need something to do until next year. I was finally excited to start a new book but it feels a bit idle for me. I can no longer sit still very long. I would love to start projects but it’s so hard to do that with 2 boys in the house. Everything I do, they undo. Dog hair is everywhere. I did make soup! Soup is good. I think I’ll make more soup.

I also need to think about where I’m going with photography. I’m not confident enough. I get anxious every time I get asked to do it but I love when they turn out good and I’m able to hand over a cd of pictures I feel confident about. But I don’t feel very good about it when it doesn’t go as good as I want it to. The thing is though is that I get a pretty steady flow of clients without doing anything, what if I invested just a little bit more? This has been going on in my head for a few years so I really need to crack down and make a decision. Actually, I should be editing pictures right now instead of writing this blog post. Or making a meal plan. Or Christmas shopping. Or vacuuming dog hair.

Whatever. While I clearly love to execute, I think I’m a bit choosy about what I want it to be. hehehe.

A

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