Today I turned 40. I resisted any sort of celebrating until I couldn’t resist anymore. My friends and family wanted to celebrate with me. And I’m so lucky to have that in my life. 

I know it’s just a number, but it feels sad to me. I know I have a good life and I have amazing things to look forward to but it also feels like a chapter is closing. 

2017 is the year I have chosen to stop feeling regret. But today, on my birthday, it’s hard. 

I had a dream about her. I didn’t see her but I heard her. She said, “I’ll be at the party later.”  

I hope she was. 


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